rossi rambles
Hit the bottom
23/08/08 09:39
A week of wondering and head shaking this week. So much happening and little headspace to filter it through which tends to frustrate me.
I've started running. Haven't done much yet but I've enjoyed it so far. I should be doing it now instead of on here but yesterday I spent the time thinking about blogging and never got here. So I'm trying this first today.
So what's in my head that's getting too full?
House
Can't stop thinking about it and making plans, it's only a week from being ours which is even more frustrating than it being a month away. So near I'm letting myself get excited and plans are coming together in my head fro rooms. Instead of feeling good about this I'm just annoying myself as I really want to get there and do it! Stupid I know.
HE
This isn't causing any kind of frustration, I've just started to get my head back into education mode ready for a couple of weeks time. I'm going to have to be really organised so I can do that in the mornings and have time to do house stuff in the afternoon before clubs start. I'm rather enjoying the thought of all this as it's making me plan better and think wider than before.
Summer is going to be home educated as of September and she'll be with me all day Thursday's. This will be good for some projects that work better in a group so have been thinking about opening up our time to some other kids to create a mini group for learning certain things. I think the girls would enjoy this.
Money
This is going to be really tight. We've been comfortable for a few years now but that's all going to change again. I'm not lolling in self pity here as it's something we've taken on ourselves. I'm just hoping we manage to adjust and that it doesn't last for long really. What's the point of having a big house but no money to enjoy life? I'm also worried that we won't have the money to do the place up never mind buy the shopping with...
Shinies
This is my biggest headache just now. It's had me in tears of frustration and moments of real anger. I've been part of Shinies for 7 years. I am one of the original members and have seen it go through changes good and bad, growing from 3 families to the current amount of about 50. Some things have gone on during this time that I haven't liked, haven't joined in with and at times have had me questioning why I'm there at all.
For the past two years each summer we've held a fun day to raise money. One of the main attractions of Shinies is the never ending pot of money we have. It's very nice. But it doesn't appear by magic. Two members work really hard on getting funding from causes such as the National Lottery. I'm rubbish at askign for money as I don't feel it's my right so don't get involved in this. Stupid on my part I know. To compensate in my mind for this I help get money in other ways. So here comes in the fun days. They are long drawn out in the planning and begging other members to get involved in any way shape or form. Of course there are those members who are always there and always helpful.
Last year pushed me to my limits. I ran around like a crazed woman, driving the van here there and everywhere, collecting this and delivering that. The night before I got home at 10pm and made cakes. I sat in my lounge on the packing boxes before climbing the stairs gone midnight to sleep on the mattress on the floor. At 5am I was up again and out of the house to start the morning off. Setting things up and driving around some more. From start to finish I painted faces, I had one drink, my back ached and I shook with tiredness. I helped clear up and went home. I then helped Tony move house. The removals company had double booked so they didn't turn up until 3.30pm. I met them at the new house at 5pm to help unload. The van wouldn't go down the drive so we had to carry everything. We all worked long and hard.
We returned to Stafford House and fell onto the mattress. We spent the next day moving more stuff and unpacking.
I'm not typing this for a medal or praise I'm typing it to remind myself what I did and what I'd do. I can't list it all. I did it all because it needed to be done. Shinies is an important part of our life. It's our community , our HE world. Through Shinies our needs are met, friends are made, support is offered and fun is had. We have good times, we learn good things, we get opportunities that I couldn't do home alone.
Every Friday we meet in a hall for 3 hours, each family pays £3. This covers the hall, drinks and the ret goes in the never ending pot of money. During the time in the hall, activities are on offer. These activities are provided by individual families, some are large some are small. Some are toys and board games. ALL are appreciated and VERY MUCH needed. Without them there is nothing for the children to do and they get bored. When they get bored they get up to no good and problems arise. Over the past six months, less and less has been brought to the hall. Obviously this has led to problems. At the end of May whenb we stop meeting in the hall, I'd decided not to return to Shinies in September. The girls had had enough, they had been picked on and been called 'pricks' once too often and I couldn't see the point any more.
Over the summer I've thought more about it and talked to the children. We'd come up with a plan. We spent the summer arranging play dates and meet ups. Building up their security again and testing our feet as to what to do. We'd decided to go to Shinies every two weeks ensuring we'd take at least two activities and one of them being for over 9's only. As part of this plan I thought I'd get a task force togetehr of like minded parents and create some sort of rota to guarantee at least 5 activities each week.
I'd promised Tony that I wouldn't do the fun day this year and would put the money we would normally spend in that day in the never ending pot anyway. At a meeting I didn't attend it was decided that instead of a fun day we would do bag packing at a supermarket instead. This was a cool idea, no planning and only 1.5 hours commitment from each family. The first set of dates came out and it's when I'm in Cambridge at the Petites party. I sent my apologies and reasons. They were accepted.
But the offers of help from other families just didn't come in. Three or four families said yes. An email went out asking for more support, pointing out that in fact the never ending pot is actually just about at it's end and there is no funding from elsewhere this year.
Cue outrage and abuse from certain families about how they shouldn't have to do x,y or z. No they shouldn't have to do it but to get the money in to do all the things they want to do then the money has to be raised. it doesn't just fall out of the sky. One woman posted that she joined Shinies for the cheap trips not to have pressure put on her to organise things. But the cheap trips don't happen without the money!! The online forum has got nasty, people have left and it's all turned out horrible. I'm not going to leave but I;m not going to support and fund these kind of people any more. I'm very well aware we all have other commitments, we all have different values and beliefs, we all have different amounts of free time and money. BUT we all have a commitment to our children and to the group. You can't just join and do nothing but expect it all in return. A small offering is appreciated so much more than nothing at all.
I'm fuming about it all. I've kept out of all discussion online as I'm so angry but this here is my space and I can do and say what I like on here.
So all that aside how's life at The Screamteam?
Not bad actually. The children are happier than they've been in a long time, they are spending the summer playing and enjoying their childhood. I never ask them to do work during the summer, I have wonderful memories of long hot summers playing and having fun. They haven't got the heat but they have everything else! My garden is full of home made tents from bamboo canes and material. As I sit here and type I can hear them in the garden. Today they are making a film. They are having a good childhood, they are good people.
I've started running. Haven't done much yet but I've enjoyed it so far. I should be doing it now instead of on here but yesterday I spent the time thinking about blogging and never got here. So I'm trying this first today.
So what's in my head that's getting too full?
House
Can't stop thinking about it and making plans, it's only a week from being ours which is even more frustrating than it being a month away. So near I'm letting myself get excited and plans are coming together in my head fro rooms. Instead of feeling good about this I'm just annoying myself as I really want to get there and do it! Stupid I know.
HE
This isn't causing any kind of frustration, I've just started to get my head back into education mode ready for a couple of weeks time. I'm going to have to be really organised so I can do that in the mornings and have time to do house stuff in the afternoon before clubs start. I'm rather enjoying the thought of all this as it's making me plan better and think wider than before.
Summer is going to be home educated as of September and she'll be with me all day Thursday's. This will be good for some projects that work better in a group so have been thinking about opening up our time to some other kids to create a mini group for learning certain things. I think the girls would enjoy this.
Money
This is going to be really tight. We've been comfortable for a few years now but that's all going to change again. I'm not lolling in self pity here as it's something we've taken on ourselves. I'm just hoping we manage to adjust and that it doesn't last for long really. What's the point of having a big house but no money to enjoy life? I'm also worried that we won't have the money to do the place up never mind buy the shopping with...
Shinies
This is my biggest headache just now. It's had me in tears of frustration and moments of real anger. I've been part of Shinies for 7 years. I am one of the original members and have seen it go through changes good and bad, growing from 3 families to the current amount of about 50. Some things have gone on during this time that I haven't liked, haven't joined in with and at times have had me questioning why I'm there at all.
For the past two years each summer we've held a fun day to raise money. One of the main attractions of Shinies is the never ending pot of money we have. It's very nice. But it doesn't appear by magic. Two members work really hard on getting funding from causes such as the National Lottery. I'm rubbish at askign for money as I don't feel it's my right so don't get involved in this. Stupid on my part I know. To compensate in my mind for this I help get money in other ways. So here comes in the fun days. They are long drawn out in the planning and begging other members to get involved in any way shape or form. Of course there are those members who are always there and always helpful.
Last year pushed me to my limits. I ran around like a crazed woman, driving the van here there and everywhere, collecting this and delivering that. The night before I got home at 10pm and made cakes. I sat in my lounge on the packing boxes before climbing the stairs gone midnight to sleep on the mattress on the floor. At 5am I was up again and out of the house to start the morning off. Setting things up and driving around some more. From start to finish I painted faces, I had one drink, my back ached and I shook with tiredness. I helped clear up and went home. I then helped Tony move house. The removals company had double booked so they didn't turn up until 3.30pm. I met them at the new house at 5pm to help unload. The van wouldn't go down the drive so we had to carry everything. We all worked long and hard.
We returned to Stafford House and fell onto the mattress. We spent the next day moving more stuff and unpacking.
I'm not typing this for a medal or praise I'm typing it to remind myself what I did and what I'd do. I can't list it all. I did it all because it needed to be done. Shinies is an important part of our life. It's our community , our HE world. Through Shinies our needs are met, friends are made, support is offered and fun is had. We have good times, we learn good things, we get opportunities that I couldn't do home alone.
Every Friday we meet in a hall for 3 hours, each family pays £3. This covers the hall, drinks and the ret goes in the never ending pot of money. During the time in the hall, activities are on offer. These activities are provided by individual families, some are large some are small. Some are toys and board games. ALL are appreciated and VERY MUCH needed. Without them there is nothing for the children to do and they get bored. When they get bored they get up to no good and problems arise. Over the past six months, less and less has been brought to the hall. Obviously this has led to problems. At the end of May whenb we stop meeting in the hall, I'd decided not to return to Shinies in September. The girls had had enough, they had been picked on and been called 'pricks' once too often and I couldn't see the point any more.
Over the summer I've thought more about it and talked to the children. We'd come up with a plan. We spent the summer arranging play dates and meet ups. Building up their security again and testing our feet as to what to do. We'd decided to go to Shinies every two weeks ensuring we'd take at least two activities and one of them being for over 9's only. As part of this plan I thought I'd get a task force togetehr of like minded parents and create some sort of rota to guarantee at least 5 activities each week.
I'd promised Tony that I wouldn't do the fun day this year and would put the money we would normally spend in that day in the never ending pot anyway. At a meeting I didn't attend it was decided that instead of a fun day we would do bag packing at a supermarket instead. This was a cool idea, no planning and only 1.5 hours commitment from each family. The first set of dates came out and it's when I'm in Cambridge at the Petites party. I sent my apologies and reasons. They were accepted.
But the offers of help from other families just didn't come in. Three or four families said yes. An email went out asking for more support, pointing out that in fact the never ending pot is actually just about at it's end and there is no funding from elsewhere this year.
Cue outrage and abuse from certain families about how they shouldn't have to do x,y or z. No they shouldn't have to do it but to get the money in to do all the things they want to do then the money has to be raised. it doesn't just fall out of the sky. One woman posted that she joined Shinies for the cheap trips not to have pressure put on her to organise things. But the cheap trips don't happen without the money!! The online forum has got nasty, people have left and it's all turned out horrible. I'm not going to leave but I;m not going to support and fund these kind of people any more. I'm very well aware we all have other commitments, we all have different values and beliefs, we all have different amounts of free time and money. BUT we all have a commitment to our children and to the group. You can't just join and do nothing but expect it all in return. A small offering is appreciated so much more than nothing at all.
I'm fuming about it all. I've kept out of all discussion online as I'm so angry but this here is my space and I can do and say what I like on here.
So all that aside how's life at The Screamteam?
Not bad actually. The children are happier than they've been in a long time, they are spending the summer playing and enjoying their childhood. I never ask them to do work during the summer, I have wonderful memories of long hot summers playing and having fun. They haven't got the heat but they have everything else! My garden is full of home made tents from bamboo canes and material. As I sit here and type I can hear them in the garden. Today they are making a film. They are having a good childhood, they are good people.
|
House
12/08/08 17:07
Saw it properly this morning. Inside and EVERYTHING- well not everything as the tosser is still in the flat. Actually we saw him and he was overly friendly. Wanker. I'd be all smiles if someone gave me 5 grand for being a sponge. He makes me break my swearing curfew.
Anyway! It's beautiful, thankfully not as big as I'd feared and will less work then we'd both put in our heads. It'll still take years and loads of money but we'll be able to make a fair number of rooms easily livable until the money is there for them. We tested the 9 pianos and earmarked the ones we'll be keeping. We also marked the furniture we'd like. It's all to be sold or dumped so the solicitors are keen for us to have what we can. Some beautiful pieces that are needed in the house. sadly most of the fireplaces have been blocked up so that'll be one of the first jobs we'll do so we can enjoy one of our dreams.
Walking around it today still didn't feel real. It was the first time we weren't rushed or having to be polite. We were there as the new owners with a very nice chap urging us to take this and that. He referred to it as our house all the time but it doesn't feel like it yet. Maybe when we next go there and everything has been removed. We I can stand alone in a room and shout for joy, the kids running up the stairs and sliding down the banisters, maybe then it will feel like mine. It does feel right though, like it's meant for us.
Anyway! It's beautiful, thankfully not as big as I'd feared and will less work then we'd both put in our heads. It'll still take years and loads of money but we'll be able to make a fair number of rooms easily livable until the money is there for them. We tested the 9 pianos and earmarked the ones we'll be keeping. We also marked the furniture we'd like. It's all to be sold or dumped so the solicitors are keen for us to have what we can. Some beautiful pieces that are needed in the house. sadly most of the fireplaces have been blocked up so that'll be one of the first jobs we'll do so we can enjoy one of our dreams.
Walking around it today still didn't feel real. It was the first time we weren't rushed or having to be polite. We were there as the new owners with a very nice chap urging us to take this and that. He referred to it as our house all the time but it doesn't feel like it yet. Maybe when we next go there and everything has been removed. We I can stand alone in a room and shout for joy, the kids running up the stairs and sliding down the banisters, maybe then it will feel like mine. It does feel right though, like it's meant for us.
Inclination there, time lacking
11/08/08 21:34
I fancy being a daily blogger. I spend much of each day filing bits in my brain for later release when I get to the computer. Somehow that time doesn't come. It seems something else has to wait for me to have this time, that isn't normally something that can wait.
This week I'm a mummy to one. The girls are away at MoTB. We dropped them off yesterday, excited and they pushed us down the drive after about an hour as it was time for them to have fun! Felt odd as always but also I'm jealous- that place is really cool! We followed Bob back to the campsite to see Joyce- so good to see after far too long! They have the most adorable dog in Maisie. I didn't think I'd like her much ( pre-concieved ideas about poodles!) but I was so wrong, poodles are lovely and don't feel at all as I imagined.
I'm looking forward to my time with Buzz and being able to have a bit of time for myself. My batteries really need charging and I'm obviously run down as I'm still coughing after 5.5 weeks. For someone who never normally gets the slightest cold I'm going potty with myself coughing and coughing. A huge downside of the girls being away is that I've promised to take Buzz to Legoland on Wednesday. What was I thinking?
So in this time alone with Buzz I've been doing some thinking about him and where he is in his little world. He's a pretty cool kid actually and one I'd like to be mates with. He's too easily led for my liking and would probably be the class clown if he were in school. Like his eldest sister he likes to entertain and amuse. He's naturally bright without being full on about he. he gets most things quickly and in an unassuming way. His reading is brilliant but he hates reading to me so we do very little of this, but today he was reading The Times to me as I was driving along. He's not 100% perfect but pretty damn impressive. Shame I can't take the credit again
He's number crazy. He sees patterns in them every where and is always working things out in his head and suggesting things to me that I wouldn't even think about. At the moment he's going through a times table phase, a few weeks ago it was time and wore his watch obsessively (quoting the time almost every 2 minutes!).
His drawings are cool, very intricate. Never copied and rarely of a film or TV character. Last week he draw about 100 drawings of camping, different people camping from different periods in time and all that they might need. He likes drawing our home and garden with him playing with his friends or toys. Today he has made paper airplanes with notes for me written on them. He's cute.
I have taken a break from sewing and have been knitting some hats for friends. Knitting really gives me problems with my fingers though which makes me worry about developing arthritis like my mum who can no longer knit.
Exciting news today is that we'll exchange on The Dream House on the 29th!!!! I can't begin to say how amazing this feels to finally have a date, to be able to know that no more crap will get on way! Watch this space for me moaning about all this shit that will come with owning an old house with everything needing doing on it! Please feel free to remind me of my fight to get it!
So it seems I'll be even further down the lack of time path in the coming months.
This week I'm a mummy to one. The girls are away at MoTB. We dropped them off yesterday, excited and they pushed us down the drive after about an hour as it was time for them to have fun! Felt odd as always but also I'm jealous- that place is really cool! We followed Bob back to the campsite to see Joyce- so good to see after far too long! They have the most adorable dog in Maisie. I didn't think I'd like her much ( pre-concieved ideas about poodles!) but I was so wrong, poodles are lovely and don't feel at all as I imagined.
I'm looking forward to my time with Buzz and being able to have a bit of time for myself. My batteries really need charging and I'm obviously run down as I'm still coughing after 5.5 weeks. For someone who never normally gets the slightest cold I'm going potty with myself coughing and coughing. A huge downside of the girls being away is that I've promised to take Buzz to Legoland on Wednesday. What was I thinking?
So in this time alone with Buzz I've been doing some thinking about him and where he is in his little world. He's a pretty cool kid actually and one I'd like to be mates with. He's too easily led for my liking and would probably be the class clown if he were in school. Like his eldest sister he likes to entertain and amuse. He's naturally bright without being full on about he. he gets most things quickly and in an unassuming way. His reading is brilliant but he hates reading to me so we do very little of this, but today he was reading The Times to me as I was driving along. He's not 100% perfect but pretty damn impressive. Shame I can't take the credit again
He's number crazy. He sees patterns in them every where and is always working things out in his head and suggesting things to me that I wouldn't even think about. At the moment he's going through a times table phase, a few weeks ago it was time and wore his watch obsessively (quoting the time almost every 2 minutes!).
His drawings are cool, very intricate. Never copied and rarely of a film or TV character. Last week he draw about 100 drawings of camping, different people camping from different periods in time and all that they might need. He likes drawing our home and garden with him playing with his friends or toys. Today he has made paper airplanes with notes for me written on them. He's cute.
I have taken a break from sewing and have been knitting some hats for friends. Knitting really gives me problems with my fingers though which makes me worry about developing arthritis like my mum who can no longer knit.
Exciting news today is that we'll exchange on The Dream House on the 29th!!!! I can't begin to say how amazing this feels to finally have a date, to be able to know that no more crap will get on way! Watch this space for me moaning about all this shit that will come with owning an old house with everything needing doing on it! Please feel free to remind me of my fight to get it!
So it seems I'll be even further down the lack of time path in the coming months.
Tides
25/07/08 09:39
I'm still coughing - three weeks now. When do you start worrying?
MONDAY
I waited all day for Eddie to arrive. We wandered around the house in the morning pottering and putting toys etc away so he couldn't eat them when he arrived. I dropped the kids to the cinema to see WALL:E with Tina and went to Waitrose. Whilst in there I phoned Tony for the 100th time to see where the heck the dog was. Still at home in Milton Keynes at 5pm. FFS they were supposed to be at ours at lunchtime. Asked Tony to meet me at the pub and we pretended to be grown ups. Well I mainly sat on my own and he walked around the garden on the phone. At least we tried. I then went and sat on the beach in the sun on my own for an hour before collecting the children.
Home for dinner and play. Tony took them to karate and I thought about doing the ironing. I didn't. I'm so tired all the time just now and have no enthusiasm for much so the ironing is right at the bottom of my list. Trouble with living here is that the place always feels like a tip so I really need to be on top of domestic life. I'm not.
Eddie and family finally arrived at 10pm!!!!! Tony then had to drive them to Gatwick where they headed off to New York then Florida for three and a half weeks. Eddie looked sad.
TUESDAY
A bad nights sleep not helped by Tony not getting home until gone midnight. Eddie had us up at 6am. I cleaned the pool and thought about tidying the garden. It's in a bad way and must be done soon!
At 11am friends arrived and we all headed off to walk to Beachy Head and back again. Had a wonderful time. It was hot and the children were happy. The dogs bounded and panted. We walked to the Countryside Centre and took turns looking around. We had passed some racing pigeons in the car park and saw one of them was outside the shop. As we went in it flew in over our heads. The shop assistant went to the chap in the car park but he wasn't interested- maybe it wasn't one of his. So the assistant produced a big net and scratched his head. I offered to help to which he was very grateful and I netted the poor bird. They took him outside and he flew away on whatever mission he was supposed to be on.
We then headed on the route home this time opting for the path near the cliff edge. The views were just amazing and the sea so tempting. Such a beautiful colour. We had a very steep hill to go down to get to our new path which the children had a ball rolling down through very long grasses. I helped one lady get her double buggy down the hill. We must have looked very amusing. Eddie got confused and went back up the hill and took some work to call back down! We walked along the path chatting and spotting wildlife and plants. I'm rubbish at such things so it was nice to be with someone who really knew what they were taking about!
We finally got home to mine three hours after leaving. Everyone was hot and tired. The kids all jumped in the pool and froze. Us adults sat and drank tea and ate lunch.
At 4pm the french teacher Emmeline arrived and the rest of Shinies who do french with mine. It was the last lesson before the summer break and they did a little test of their knowledge. They have all completed year 7 french
It was really lovely not to have to rush out at 5.30pm to ballet. I got myself ready for work and the babysitter arrived at 6.30pm. The shop held a drum competition called Rhythm Fest. It was really popular! Some of the talent displayed was amazing and wonderful to see especially in the under 12's! We took the staff for a chinese at 11.30pm! I was home at 1am so that the babysitter could go home. A great but knackering night.
WEDNESDAY
Shinies Sports Day. Loretta collected the kids for me and I stayed at home. I did the ironing and watched Medium that I'd Sky+. It was nice being home alone and not being hassled or being to hear anyone else. The dogs slept or wandered around happily. At 2pm I went to the park with both dogs to collect the kids. Sports carried on for another hour and I lay in the sun or walked Eddie. The children had a great time and Buzz came second overall. I was really impressed as he doesn't go to Shinies Sports as a rule and he struggles with some aspects of it. He's thinking about giving it a go in September with the promise of voicing his objections when he isn't happy about something. We'll see!
At 3.20pm I got all emotional and announced to Shinies that our 11 year olds had now graduated from KS2 and were now secondary school kids. The kids were impressed at this rise in status.
We stayed at the park until about 4pm then went home. The kids joined the neighbours in the pool.
We took the dogs to the beach at 6.30pm and Eddie adored being in the sea. Kessie of course didn't go in but she got closer to the edge than ever before Tina and co met up with us and Bailey eyed Eddie up. They are both 18 month old males with their bits intact. Makes for interesting playing! We tried to by chips but the queue was over an hour long so we loaded back into the car and drove to a different part of town for chips then headed back to a different beach to eat them. Tony had joined us by now. Summer and Luke came home to stay the night.
THURSDAY
Up and out early with packed lunch for 7. The car was loaded with us, two dogs and a bike. We went to Bedgebury for the day meeting up with Shinies friends. It was hot! Luckily it's a forest so the dogs had plenty of shade and really enjoyed charging about the trees. Had my first big dog owner encounter with a grumpy member of the public who ordered me to control my dog and keep him on the lead. Eddie was resting under some shade. he daughters were terrifies and my dog was destroying their day. I gave her my opinion, put Eddie on his lead and walked off making it clear she'd pissed me off. You can't go to woods and not expect to meet a dog. She was so rude and aggressive. Kessie was off the lead also but she didn't say anything about her. If people have issues there are polite ways of putting them across. Stupid woman.
My day wasn't marred by her though and I had a lovely time. I was a little grumpy, I think due to the heat and being aware of 5 kids in my charge. Tony had gone off on a 12km bike ride to have some head space. The older two (Pe and Summer) managed to piss me off by being in their own world a bit too much and not listening or responding to me. I ended up screaming across the play area like a common fish wife to get them to move their arses. They lolled after us and I gave them a firm lecture about what I expected of them. They were much better after that
We left at about 4pm and drove home with the kids eating leftover packed lunch (I'd made lots!). They all went in the pool and I made dinner. Tony took mine to karate and Darren came to collect Summer. Luke decided to stay the night again and he played in the garden with the neighbour kids until mine returned at 9.30pm. They had crumpets (I feel like I've been feeding the 5 thousand today!) and fell into bed shattered.
TODAY
It's not as sunny as the forecast said which is a shame. Luke is still sleeping, Boo is in the garden and the other two are watching TV. We plan to have a lazy day. I want to go to the pet shop for some balls for Eddie and then we'll have a walk on the Downs. I'm seeing a dog trainer at 4.30pm to help me with walking him.
I'm finding life very strange atm like I'm on the outside looking in and if I walked away not many would notice me gone. I think some changes in what I do and who are my "friends" are, are overdue.
Boo will be trying out some local schools in September and if she is happy will start in January. I'm heartbroken about this and feel like a failure ( stupid I know!) but I'd never stop her. I don't think schools are evil places and get really pissed at people who slate them, I just like having them at home. Pea is thinking about doing some taster days but says she'll not being going in January.
MONDAY
I waited all day for Eddie to arrive. We wandered around the house in the morning pottering and putting toys etc away so he couldn't eat them when he arrived. I dropped the kids to the cinema to see WALL:E with Tina and went to Waitrose. Whilst in there I phoned Tony for the 100th time to see where the heck the dog was. Still at home in Milton Keynes at 5pm. FFS they were supposed to be at ours at lunchtime. Asked Tony to meet me at the pub and we pretended to be grown ups. Well I mainly sat on my own and he walked around the garden on the phone. At least we tried. I then went and sat on the beach in the sun on my own for an hour before collecting the children.
Home for dinner and play. Tony took them to karate and I thought about doing the ironing. I didn't. I'm so tired all the time just now and have no enthusiasm for much so the ironing is right at the bottom of my list. Trouble with living here is that the place always feels like a tip so I really need to be on top of domestic life. I'm not.
Eddie and family finally arrived at 10pm!!!!! Tony then had to drive them to Gatwick where they headed off to New York then Florida for three and a half weeks. Eddie looked sad.
TUESDAY
A bad nights sleep not helped by Tony not getting home until gone midnight. Eddie had us up at 6am. I cleaned the pool and thought about tidying the garden. It's in a bad way and must be done soon!
At 11am friends arrived and we all headed off to walk to Beachy Head and back again. Had a wonderful time. It was hot and the children were happy. The dogs bounded and panted. We walked to the Countryside Centre and took turns looking around. We had passed some racing pigeons in the car park and saw one of them was outside the shop. As we went in it flew in over our heads. The shop assistant went to the chap in the car park but he wasn't interested- maybe it wasn't one of his. So the assistant produced a big net and scratched his head. I offered to help to which he was very grateful and I netted the poor bird. They took him outside and he flew away on whatever mission he was supposed to be on.
We then headed on the route home this time opting for the path near the cliff edge. The views were just amazing and the sea so tempting. Such a beautiful colour. We had a very steep hill to go down to get to our new path which the children had a ball rolling down through very long grasses. I helped one lady get her double buggy down the hill. We must have looked very amusing. Eddie got confused and went back up the hill and took some work to call back down! We walked along the path chatting and spotting wildlife and plants. I'm rubbish at such things so it was nice to be with someone who really knew what they were taking about!
We finally got home to mine three hours after leaving. Everyone was hot and tired. The kids all jumped in the pool and froze. Us adults sat and drank tea and ate lunch.
At 4pm the french teacher Emmeline arrived and the rest of Shinies who do french with mine. It was the last lesson before the summer break and they did a little test of their knowledge. They have all completed year 7 french
It was really lovely not to have to rush out at 5.30pm to ballet. I got myself ready for work and the babysitter arrived at 6.30pm. The shop held a drum competition called Rhythm Fest. It was really popular! Some of the talent displayed was amazing and wonderful to see especially in the under 12's! We took the staff for a chinese at 11.30pm! I was home at 1am so that the babysitter could go home. A great but knackering night.
WEDNESDAY
Shinies Sports Day. Loretta collected the kids for me and I stayed at home. I did the ironing and watched Medium that I'd Sky+. It was nice being home alone and not being hassled or being to hear anyone else. The dogs slept or wandered around happily. At 2pm I went to the park with both dogs to collect the kids. Sports carried on for another hour and I lay in the sun or walked Eddie. The children had a great time and Buzz came second overall. I was really impressed as he doesn't go to Shinies Sports as a rule and he struggles with some aspects of it. He's thinking about giving it a go in September with the promise of voicing his objections when he isn't happy about something. We'll see!
At 3.20pm I got all emotional and announced to Shinies that our 11 year olds had now graduated from KS2 and were now secondary school kids. The kids were impressed at this rise in status.
We stayed at the park until about 4pm then went home. The kids joined the neighbours in the pool.
We took the dogs to the beach at 6.30pm and Eddie adored being in the sea. Kessie of course didn't go in but she got closer to the edge than ever before
Tina and co met up with us and Bailey eyed Eddie up. They are both 18 month old males with their bits intact. Makes for interesting playing! We tried to by chips but the queue was over an hour long so we loaded back into the car and drove to a different part of town for chips then headed back to a different beach to eat them. Tony had joined us by now. Summer and Luke came home to stay the night.THURSDAY
Up and out early with packed lunch for 7. The car was loaded with us, two dogs and a bike. We went to Bedgebury for the day meeting up with Shinies friends. It was hot! Luckily it's a forest so the dogs had plenty of shade and really enjoyed charging about the trees. Had my first big dog owner encounter with a grumpy member of the public who ordered me to control my dog and keep him on the lead. Eddie was resting under some shade. he daughters were terrifies and my dog was destroying their day. I gave her my opinion, put Eddie on his lead and walked off making it clear she'd pissed me off. You can't go to woods and not expect to meet a dog. She was so rude and aggressive. Kessie was off the lead also but she didn't say anything about her. If people have issues there are polite ways of putting them across. Stupid woman.
My day wasn't marred by her though and I had a lovely time. I was a little grumpy, I think due to the heat and being aware of 5 kids in my charge. Tony had gone off on a 12km bike ride to have some head space. The older two (Pe and Summer) managed to piss me off by being in their own world a bit too much and not listening or responding to me. I ended up screaming across the play area like a common fish wife to get them to move their arses. They lolled after us and I gave them a firm lecture about what I expected of them. They were much better after that
We left at about 4pm and drove home with the kids eating leftover packed lunch (I'd made lots!). They all went in the pool and I made dinner. Tony took mine to karate and Darren came to collect Summer. Luke decided to stay the night again and he played in the garden with the neighbour kids until mine returned at 9.30pm. They had crumpets (I feel like I've been feeding the 5 thousand today!) and fell into bed shattered.
TODAY
It's not as sunny as the forecast said which is a shame. Luke is still sleeping, Boo is in the garden and the other two are watching TV. We plan to have a lazy day. I want to go to the pet shop for some balls for Eddie and then we'll have a walk on the Downs. I'm seeing a dog trainer at 4.30pm to help me with walking him.
I'm finding life very strange atm like I'm on the outside looking in and if I walked away not many would notice me gone. I think some changes in what I do and who are my "friends" are, are overdue.
Boo will be trying out some local schools in September and if she is happy will start in January. I'm heartbroken about this and feel like a failure ( stupid I know!) but I'd never stop her. I don't think schools are evil places and get really pissed at people who slate them, I just like having them at home. Pea is thinking about doing some taster days but says she'll not being going in January.
Head Full
05/06/08 09:04
Sat up talking to Tony last night until gone 2am, actually we went to bed at midnight so that should be lay in the dark talking. Much is going here just now and our heads seem to full most of the time, so last night we chatted to try and make some room for sleep. I have one serious moral dilemma so ponder on though I doubt it will end happily for me.
The children did four workbooks and music practise in the morning and Buzz started reading to me again. A need a break from Horrid Henry, this is slightly too difficult, being a teenage fiction book but it isn't putting him off yet- he loves Bear Grylls The girls did half hearted music practise and I did yet more washing. I love washing on the line so stood watching that for a while in the sun and probably looked like a mad woman.
The kids put the pets in the run and set up a card stall and a drink stall. So I spent some money there.
We popped into town for some shoes (not available on website!) for Boo. Not what she wanted but the ones she did where swimming on her. Too twee for my taste really but she wanted this make even though she's not even convinced on the style herself. Funny child.
Got last few holiday bits and some cookies and went to see Tony for 20 minutes.
Home, made a goulash and the kids went in the pool with the neighbours. Took Pea to dancing, sorted out an argument with next door (too much time together- they're turning into siblings!). I sat in the sun and slight wind and made up the party invitations. Buzz fell down the last few steps and hurt himself so spent some time cuddling him on the sofa, then Boo who cried long and hard over something small. Tony came home with Pea.
We ate together, we've been very lapse on this for a couple of weeks so have been making an extra effort for the past few days. It makes a big difference to us and the need to chat and discuss things as a family.
Tony went for a sunbed (holiday prep) and I got the kids ready for bed and remade mine with the lovely clean sheets. Finished the invites. Tony home and we started watching The Apprentice- the part of the whole thing where I'd fall apart. Put Boo and Buzz to bed half way through despite Boo's tears at the unfairness of it all, she was asleep within 5 minutes!
Pea stayed up and cuddled Tony. I sewed. I'm so behind on Boo's gifts, poor child will have nothing to unwrap on the day! Will have to sort that out today.
Pea went to bed and we stayed up watching a Crime of Passion on some remote Sky channel. Neither of us able to sleep yet both so very tired.
The children did four workbooks and music practise in the morning and Buzz started reading to me again. A need a break from Horrid Henry, this is slightly too difficult, being a teenage fiction book but it isn't putting him off yet- he loves Bear Grylls
The girls did half hearted music practise and I did yet more washing. I love washing on the line so stood watching that for a while in the sun and probably looked like a mad woman.The kids put the pets in the run and set up a card stall and a drink stall. So I spent some money there.
We popped into town for some shoes (not available on website!) for Boo. Not what she wanted but the ones she did where swimming on her. Too twee for my taste really but she wanted this make even though she's not even convinced on the style herself. Funny child.
Got last few holiday bits and some cookies and went to see Tony for 20 minutes.
Home, made a goulash and the kids went in the pool with the neighbours. Took Pea to dancing, sorted out an argument with next door (too much time together- they're turning into siblings!). I sat in the sun and slight wind and made up the party invitations. Buzz fell down the last few steps and hurt himself so spent some time cuddling him on the sofa, then Boo who cried long and hard over something small. Tony came home with Pea.
We ate together, we've been very lapse on this for a couple of weeks so have been making an extra effort for the past few days. It makes a big difference to us and the need to chat and discuss things as a family.
Tony went for a sunbed (holiday prep) and I got the kids ready for bed and remade mine with the lovely clean sheets. Finished the invites. Tony home and we started watching The Apprentice- the part of the whole thing where I'd fall apart. Put Boo and Buzz to bed half way through despite Boo's tears at the unfairness of it all, she was asleep within 5 minutes!
Pea stayed up and cuddled Tony. I sewed. I'm so behind on Boo's gifts, poor child will have nothing to unwrap on the day! Will have to sort that out today.
Pea went to bed and we stayed up watching a Crime of Passion on some remote Sky channel. Neither of us able to sleep yet both so very tired.
Drip Drip Drip
01/05/08 19:10
Sometimes life and the daily routine is as effective as a slowly dripping tap. At first you don't notice and then it's driving you mad. I'm very short fused just now. I'm bored too often which isn't like me at all, my patience is short and most people just get on my nerves. Oh how many friends I have just lost!
I'm thinking it's playing the waiting game of this moving house (or rather not moving house) lark that we've been playing for nearly two years. I know the end is now in sight but somehow that has simply made the dripping louder. I feel like a seaside donkey, chasing a dangling carrot and never quite making it. Here I sit typing and drinking tea, in my mess of a home with furniture I now longer love, cobwebs above my head with the desire to clean them away long gone. One day I know I'll be sitting in my new home drinking tea and moaning about how I'll never get it sorted! Oh, how I long for that day!
The daily grind of childcare and education is another drop in that drip of life. I'm bored and fed up. I need to go to the dentist and it's a military operation to sort out childcare and get there. Tony just gets to go
Tonight I have an hour on my hour, I sit here and the front door is open, the sun is out and the birds are singing, it's so peaceful and so what I need, maybe running away on my own would be the answer to my prayers.
So a depressing post tonight but that's how I feel just now. I'm tired, so tired I can hardly see straight sometimes. My smile doesn't seem to reach my eyes anymore.
I want my life back!
I'm thinking it's playing the waiting game of this moving house (or rather not moving house) lark that we've been playing for nearly two years. I know the end is now in sight but somehow that has simply made the dripping louder. I feel like a seaside donkey, chasing a dangling carrot and never quite making it. Here I sit typing and drinking tea, in my mess of a home with furniture I now longer love, cobwebs above my head with the desire to clean them away long gone. One day I know I'll be sitting in my new home drinking tea and moaning about how I'll never get it sorted! Oh, how I long for that day!
The daily grind of childcare and education is another drop in that drip of life. I'm bored and fed up. I need to go to the dentist and it's a military operation to sort out childcare and get there. Tony just gets to go
Tonight I have an hour on my hour, I sit here and the front door is open, the sun is out and the birds are singing, it's so peaceful and so what I need, maybe running away on my own would be the answer to my prayers.So a depressing post tonight but that's how I feel just now. I'm tired, so tired I can hardly see straight sometimes. My smile doesn't seem to reach my eyes anymore.
I want my life back!
On the up side
24/03/08 22:52
Well I think about school, decide it's going to happen, tell the girls and then spend the next week meeting every reason why they shouldn't go including more conversations with strangers about how wonderful I am for doing it then I care to think about More thought of course to follow.
HE life is going good. I'm firmly in the camp of HE is just life continued until secondary school age (or there about). I do firmly believe that formal work needs to happen at this age. So this is what Pea and Boo have been doing. Only 3/4 mornings each week for a couple of hours. We're enjoying it, it's nice and the results are to be proud of. We're recovering lots of math to keep their confidence up until our new Singapore books arrive, we have some lovely new Schofield and Sims english books which are really good and they all (Buzz included) like doing these. Buzz is grasping early spelling and Pea has started a dyslexic program to help with hers. All three are writing out a poem and illustrating it each day to work on their handwriting. She was disgusted at herself to see Luke had better writing than her!
Tony has taken the piano lessons on board which is making one happy, I can't bring myself to find new tutors yet. Boo wants to do her next grade so we'll have to soon.
As part of getting the girls to work as a team they are creating little booklets on something of their choosing. As we are doing things to do with Italy through March they did a fabulous on The Leaning Tower of Pisa. I was really impressed.
The biggest change in our lives in swimming. It's a world known fact that I hate swimming. Well I hate fat even more so have taken up swimming 3 times a week in an effort to rid my brand new tire from my body. It's still there but I'm rather enjoying our time at the pool. It's at the gym so I can fool myself into thinking it's not full of stuff from peoples bodies LOL! The kids are loving it and the girls are really getting into their lengths again. They are both great swimmers but have no interest in competitions so when they passed their life saving their lessons ended. It's nice for them to get to do something they really enjoy. The benefit has reached Buzz's lessons also and he has been moved from widths to lengths. He is so proud of himself and like the girls has a beautiful stroke.
I have been making time for myself each day doing something I enjoy. I have just finished a bag for a present for Boo's friend. I love making things and this has been something I've really enjoyed. It took a long time!
We've had a lovely weekend this Easter. Tony took most of it off work and we have done just about nothing! It's been great staying in bed until nearly lunch time, lazing about playing computer games, sewing and letting the kids have the neighbours children here nearly all the time. We took them to Brighton on Saturday for dinner at the Mongolian BBQ, they just loved it and made themselves some really interesting dinners! Today we swapped Buzz for Summer and they all played then we all swam.
Buzz is being 7 and upping his questions, we must be at about 3000 a day. It's exhausting and highly amusing. I remember the girls going through this sponge stage. I love how most of the questions are things that I have no idea about, such as can ducks smell (yes they can btw). We all think these strange things so why do we stop asking?
Boo has applied to JA's again. I don't think her legs are long enough still, which is what it would seem they are still looking for, though her chances seem higher for White Lodge next year going by this years in take (obviously based on body!). It's a tough business and one that I'm not 100% sure of but she's talented so I can't stop her. She has also applied at a couple of agents for acting work.
So life is it's usual busy mad self but we are doing well, the children are happy and our days are full and fun.
More thought of course to follow.HE life is going good. I'm firmly in the camp of HE is just life continued until secondary school age (or there about). I do firmly believe that formal work needs to happen at this age. So this is what Pea and Boo have been doing. Only 3/4 mornings each week for a couple of hours. We're enjoying it, it's nice and the results are to be proud of. We're recovering lots of math to keep their confidence up until our new Singapore books arrive, we have some lovely new Schofield and Sims english books which are really good and they all (Buzz included) like doing these. Buzz is grasping early spelling and Pea has started a dyslexic program to help with hers. All three are writing out a poem and illustrating it each day to work on their handwriting. She was disgusted at herself to see Luke had better writing than her!
Tony has taken the piano lessons on board which is making one happy, I can't bring myself to find new tutors yet. Boo wants to do her next grade so we'll have to soon.
As part of getting the girls to work as a team they are creating little booklets on something of their choosing. As we are doing things to do with Italy through March they did a fabulous on The Leaning Tower of Pisa. I was really impressed.
The biggest change in our lives in swimming. It's a world known fact that I hate swimming. Well I hate fat even more so have taken up swimming 3 times a week in an effort to rid my brand new tire from my body. It's still there but I'm rather enjoying our time at the pool. It's at the gym so I can fool myself into thinking it's not full of stuff from peoples bodies LOL! The kids are loving it and the girls are really getting into their lengths again. They are both great swimmers but have no interest in competitions so when they passed their life saving their lessons ended. It's nice for them to get to do something they really enjoy. The benefit has reached Buzz's lessons also and he has been moved from widths to lengths. He is so proud of himself and like the girls has a beautiful stroke.
I have been making time for myself each day doing something I enjoy. I have just finished a bag for a present for Boo's friend. I love making things and this has been something I've really enjoyed. It took a long time!
We've had a lovely weekend this Easter. Tony took most of it off work and we have done just about nothing! It's been great staying in bed until nearly lunch time, lazing about playing computer games, sewing and letting the kids have the neighbours children here nearly all the time. We took them to Brighton on Saturday for dinner at the Mongolian BBQ, they just loved it and made themselves some really interesting dinners! Today we swapped Buzz for Summer and they all played then we all swam.
Buzz is being 7 and upping his questions, we must be at about 3000 a day. It's exhausting and highly amusing. I remember the girls going through this sponge stage. I love how most of the questions are things that I have no idea about, such as can ducks smell (yes they can btw). We all think these strange things so why do we stop asking?
Boo has applied to JA's again. I don't think her legs are long enough still, which is what it would seem they are still looking for, though her chances seem higher for White Lodge next year going by this years in take (obviously based on body!). It's a tough business and one that I'm not 100% sure of but she's talented so I can't stop her. She has also applied at a couple of agents for acting work.
So life is it's usual busy mad self but we are doing well, the children are happy and our days are full and fun.
Sunday
17/02/08 10:59
It's a sunny day.
I lay in bed, it's some terrible hour to still be in bed and I am once again in that world of a teenager The curtains are open and I can see the beautiful blue sky, she sparkles from the sun are dancing on the branches and on the first leaves of the clamatis under my window. I'm fooled into summer.
The radio plays love songs and I smile at stories of love and friendship of thanks and praise.
The children wander past my door, Boo brings tea and Buzz brings cold feet and a naked bum to squeeze. I love bums. Pea comes to ask top use the phone.
Now they are outside, wrapped up in coats and hats, a knock from next door chased together from the TV and now they play. I can't see them but I can imagine the play. The smile from being on the rope swing, the heart racing from hide and seek, the whisperings and the planning of games. I can remember childhood even though for me it's long since gone.
My world is one of chores, of mother and lover. I lay in bed and I'm a wife, the gold of my wedding band seems bright this morning. Tony has phoned twice since he's been at work. From my bed I can see chores to be done. The sock drawer overflows and needs to be paired, the ironing board is up and littered with yesterdays toils. Coats and scarves, ballet shoes, needle and thread, a dance programme and a photo of my beautiful Boo in her tutu. The washing baskets are overflowing with clothes worn and lived in, each one with it's own story and memory waiting to be washed and pressed for it's next role.
The phone rings, it's mum with talk of Friday when we'll all meet in London, she still cries over her sister but doesn't want a reply just an ear.
My life, my happiness, my world.
I lay in bed, it's some terrible hour to still be in bed and I am once again in that world of a teenager
The curtains are open and I can see the beautiful blue sky, she sparkles from the sun are dancing on the branches and on the first leaves of the clamatis under my window. I'm fooled into summer.The radio plays love songs and I smile at stories of love and friendship of thanks and praise.
The children wander past my door, Boo brings tea and Buzz brings cold feet and a naked bum to squeeze. I love bums. Pea comes to ask top use the phone.
Now they are outside, wrapped up in coats and hats, a knock from next door chased together from the TV and now they play. I can't see them but I can imagine the play. The smile from being on the rope swing, the heart racing from hide and seek, the whisperings and the planning of games. I can remember childhood even though for me it's long since gone.
My world is one of chores, of mother and lover. I lay in bed and I'm a wife, the gold of my wedding band seems bright this morning. Tony has phoned twice since he's been at work. From my bed I can see chores to be done. The sock drawer overflows and needs to be paired, the ironing board is up and littered with yesterdays toils. Coats and scarves, ballet shoes, needle and thread, a dance programme and a photo of my beautiful Boo in her tutu. The washing baskets are overflowing with clothes worn and lived in, each one with it's own story and memory waiting to be washed and pressed for it's next role.
The phone rings, it's mum with talk of Friday when we'll all meet in London, she still cries over her sister but doesn't want a reply just an ear.
My life, my happiness, my world.
Well it's half way gone
12/02/08 22:08
I have been thinking about posting since the start of Feb- I'm crap I know.
Life has this bad habit of running away with me, I rush here there and never end up where I want to. I could promise to try harder and I will but come 11pm, I have a marriage and blogging isn't at the forefront of my mind. Time before then is sparse. So I'll try really I will.
Today has not been the best. Boo is so highly strung about the festival that starts on Saturday she's making us all walk on eggshells. I'm almost as bad over the sodding tutu and worrying for her that she won't get placed. I think I need to work on my stage school mom persona. The whole thing is costing me a fortune and now we are searching for drama classes and flippin' agents! How did I end up so middle class?
The other two are fending for themselves in the wilderness of life. The are having their own lessons but their passions are contained and satisfied with an hour of tuition here and a set of reeds there.
Amidst all this drama (pardon the pun) I have made a promise to up the education side of life. I have planned the year month by month with targets to be met each month. Mostly low key but having it pinned to the notice board (including trips) is keeping us all on on our individual tracks. I'm happy as I feel they are doing something (I'm old school and need paper proof), Boo is happy as she has a timetable, the others are happy as they are rubbish as self guidance! This month is China (well a tiny tiny bit of it).
On Sunday we went to London to the Chinese New year Celebrations. I'm soooooooo naive , there was I thinking a few hundred people would turn up when actually a few million people did! We saw so little! Lots of fat arses and stupid stupid women moaning about the lack of organising for people with pushchairs. F***wits. I so hate new middle class mums.
Anyhows, Boo cried most of the day. I wanted to run away and join a convent (one of those where they don't speak or see anyone or whatever). It's got better around 4pm. Food and toy shops helped, though not buying anything did NOT help. We headed home around 8pm and they fell asleep, thank goodness. I've promised Boo not to drink any alcohol until she says so so, so I went to bed and didn't sleep as Buzz came to join us and Tony snored all night.
So that was so much fun!
The highlight of life just now is that Boo has a friend. A real friend, made all by herself, nothing to do with me, or Pea or anything. A friend for her, she lives around the corner and she is wonderful. Her family is wonderful and I am so happy about it all I could sing for the rooftops. This is the first time this has happened. It's special.
Buzz now needs the same. It started and someone stepped on his toes.
HE feels like it is going through one of those changes it does every now and then, just like life. The older ones are thriving on work at home and freedom outside, they love going to Shinies again and have some really cool friendships going on. I love what is happening there just now and is really covering my worrying about the freedom school would offer. They talk to me. Pea talks to me (she has her first crush!!!!! shh) and is happy. I hope it continues as it is- I want them to talk to me and I want them to have their own time.They already don't get the parents who are with their child all the time. By guiding (very limited as it's important it's from them!) them at this age I can feel them taking control. Okay I know it may change but we're in the moment, the only place to be, with a raised eyebrow to the future (because I'm human, a mum and a natural worrier).
So far this year I haven't desired to be pregnant or to want a baby. This is a huge step. My cousin whom I saw at the funeral is fostering a wonderful little girl (they have two boys of their own). This has moved my feeling on to where I think they should be. Happy with what I have got and the need to help others. Who knows when or if this will happen but I'm happy to be where I am with it all.
I would really like to do daily (or most likely weekly) updates so that's where I leave and hope to continue.
So this is now out of date, our server wouldn't recognise itself (or summat). Reading it back I sound sad. I'm not I'm just mindful and placing areas of my life.
Life has this bad habit of running away with me, I rush here there and never end up where I want to. I could promise to try harder and I will but come 11pm, I have a marriage and blogging isn't at the forefront of my mind. Time before then is sparse. So I'll try really I will.
Today has not been the best. Boo is so highly strung about the festival that starts on Saturday she's making us all walk on eggshells. I'm almost as bad over the sodding tutu and worrying for her that she won't get placed. I think I need to work on my stage school mom persona. The whole thing is costing me a fortune and now we are searching for drama classes and flippin' agents! How did I end up so middle class?
The other two are fending for themselves in the wilderness of life. The are having their own lessons but their passions are contained and satisfied with an hour of tuition here and a set of reeds there.
Amidst all this drama (pardon the pun) I have made a promise to up the education side of life. I have planned the year month by month with targets to be met each month. Mostly low key but having it pinned to the notice board (including trips) is keeping us all on on our individual tracks. I'm happy as I feel they are doing something (I'm old school and need paper proof), Boo is happy as she has a timetable, the others are happy as they are rubbish as self guidance! This month is China (well a tiny tiny bit of it).
On Sunday we went to London to the Chinese New year Celebrations. I'm soooooooo naive , there was I thinking a few hundred people would turn up when actually a few million people did! We saw so little! Lots of fat arses and stupid stupid women moaning about the lack of organising for people with pushchairs. F***wits. I so hate new middle class mums.
Anyhows, Boo cried most of the day. I wanted to run away and join a convent (one of those where they don't speak or see anyone or whatever). It's got better around 4pm. Food and toy shops helped, though not buying anything did NOT help. We headed home around 8pm and they fell asleep, thank goodness. I've promised Boo not to drink any alcohol until she says so so, so I went to bed and didn't sleep as Buzz came to join us and Tony snored all night.
So that was so much fun!
The highlight of life just now is that Boo has a friend. A real friend, made all by herself, nothing to do with me, or Pea or anything. A friend for her, she lives around the corner and she is wonderful. Her family is wonderful and I am so happy about it all I could sing for the rooftops. This is the first time this has happened. It's special.
Buzz now needs the same. It started and someone stepped on his toes.
HE feels like it is going through one of those changes it does every now and then, just like life. The older ones are thriving on work at home and freedom outside, they love going to Shinies again and have some really cool friendships going on. I love what is happening there just now and is really covering my worrying about the freedom school would offer. They talk to me. Pea talks to me (she has her first crush!!!!! shh) and is happy. I hope it continues as it is- I want them to talk to me and I want them to have their own time.They already don't get the parents who are with their child all the time. By guiding (very limited as it's important it's from them!) them at this age I can feel them taking control. Okay I know it may change but we're in the moment, the only place to be, with a raised eyebrow to the future (because I'm human, a mum and a natural worrier).
So far this year I haven't desired to be pregnant or to want a baby. This is a huge step. My cousin whom I saw at the funeral is fostering a wonderful little girl (they have two boys of their own). This has moved my feeling on to where I think they should be. Happy with what I have got and the need to help others. Who knows when or if this will happen but I'm happy to be where I am with it all.
I would really like to do daily (or most likely weekly) updates so that's where I leave and hope to continue.
So this is now out of date, our server wouldn't recognise itself (or summat). Reading it back I sound sad. I'm not I'm just mindful and placing areas of my life.
Hello
29/01/08 23:02
Welcome 2008!
Here we are nearly into the second month of the year and I've remained silent. Wonder's will never cease!
I'm finding HE a strain just now, 6 years in and it's rather a lot. Take it from some perspectives and it's 11 years in. I need to cull my blog reading of all those with young kids as it just doesn't match where we are. Even with Buzz we are on a different planet. Instead of this amusing me it's just pissing me off and finding me screaming at the screen! I am so understanding the extended early years at home approach and then sending them to school from 11. Maybe if I was anti school I would see things differently.
ANYWAY!!!!!
Had a FANTASTIC holiday! Main plus point to HE.
Not at all relaxed but going crazy with jetlag and exhaustion.
Have much to say but not sure if I can be arsed. It was fun, we drove many miles, we spent all our savings, the kids laughed and cried, smiled and kicked the shit out of each other. They are not perfect I don't think they are even close to being so.
We went to some great places and we went to some crap places. We didn't let them have gifts everyday but I took too many photos. We had some adult time and we had some child time. I found myself crying at their excitement, I found myself crying at other children's excitement . At times I stood and just savoured, the pure joy of childhood, of seeing Mickey Mouse and smiling so wide I thought their mouths would split. Of walking past gift shops and them not even thinking of going in. Of dancing in the waves with jeans and knickers wet, not caring, not thinking just being. I think of going to sleep as I hear them whisper, 'thank you mummy thank you daddy'.
They want to go again.
Since our return, we've slept, we've watched TV and we've returned to work time. Our bodies are messed up and we still wake at odd hours. We try to create structure and we are winning the battle. We caught colds on the plane which we haven't had for over a year. We've eaten well and they are gone. Eating well in America isn't easy.
Buzz is tired and cuddly I have to stand my ground.
Boo is eager to dance she has missed it to the point of pain.
Pea is floating high above the clouds and I wonder will she ever return.
I'm tired and grumpy, so much to do. Is there space for me?
Tony had plans, he has worries, he has us.
We lost Granny. Sad but happy. Too difficult to file. The service wrong so wrong, we have had our time.
The month is nearly over and so new begins, I see a dawn with my name.
Here we are nearly into the second month of the year and I've remained silent. Wonder's will never cease!
I'm finding HE a strain just now, 6 years in and it's rather a lot. Take it from some perspectives and it's 11 years in. I need to cull my blog reading of all those with young kids as it just doesn't match where we are. Even with Buzz we are on a different planet. Instead of this amusing me it's just pissing me off and finding me screaming at the screen! I am so understanding the extended early years at home approach and then sending them to school from 11. Maybe if I was anti school I would see things differently.
ANYWAY!!!!!
Had a FANTASTIC holiday! Main plus point to HE
. Not at all relaxed but going crazy with jetlag and exhaustion.
Have much to say but not sure if I can be arsed. It was fun, we drove many miles, we spent all our savings, the kids laughed and cried, smiled and kicked the shit out of each other. They are not perfect I don't think they are even close to being so.
We went to some great places and we went to some crap places. We didn't let them have gifts everyday but I took too many photos. We had some adult time and we had some child time. I found myself crying at their excitement, I found myself crying at other children's excitement . At times I stood and just savoured, the pure joy of childhood, of seeing Mickey Mouse and smiling so wide I thought their mouths would split. Of walking past gift shops and them not even thinking of going in. Of dancing in the waves with jeans and knickers wet, not caring, not thinking just being. I think of going to sleep as I hear them whisper, 'thank you mummy thank you daddy'.
They want to go again.
Since our return, we've slept, we've watched TV and we've returned to work time. Our bodies are messed up and we still wake at odd hours. We try to create structure and we are winning the battle. We caught colds on the plane which we haven't had for over a year. We've eaten well and they are gone. Eating well in America isn't easy.
Buzz is tired and cuddly I have to stand my ground.
Boo is eager to dance she has missed it to the point of pain.
Pea is floating high above the clouds and I wonder will she ever return.
I'm tired and grumpy, so much to do. Is there space for me?
Tony had plans, he has worries, he has us.
We lost Granny. Sad but happy. Too difficult to file. The service wrong so wrong, we have had our time.
The month is nearly over and so new begins, I see a dawn with my name.
Where did it go?
29/12/07 16:21
I've looked in all my handbags (which is no mean feat!), under the bed, down the back of the sofa and even ventured into the Boy's room but I cannot find December.
I have been saying day since my last post "I must blog", but nothing has appeared. Maybe I should invest in a telepathic provider?
Anyway December was a good month, it wasn't the month I'd planned but since when did my life go according to plan? Answers on a postcard please! Two main things happened causing plans to be lost in time, my mum deciding to pop down for a bit (2 weeks) and my boobs. Now the later was all my own doing. 6 years in the planning and I decided to do it 15 days before Christmas. I like to work under pressure
My arrived on the 10th and we spent a week driving to various classes, smiling and glowing with pride at the kids in the final lessons of the year. The girls danced their legs off and Buzz swam 200 meters. Did you get that 200 meters! Which was 8 lengths of the pool. Mum went to London for 3 nights to stay with my sister and then brother. Cinema and lunch out with Shinies on the Wednesday.
We chilled and stopped eating. The thing with my mum is she likes her food, really likes her food. Always has done and has always been a size 6-8. Those things most of us use to get us around the shops and for pressing pedals in the car , er what do you call them? Ah legs! Yes legs, she always used them, walked miles and miles. But now she can't walk more than 20 meters without stopping and when she stops her hand creeps to a pocket for another chocolate... Now I couldn't care less that my mum is now fat, so what? She's 63 in poor health so who cares. Well she does. She spent two weeks moaning about it and asking me for exercises she could do. Er, stop eating? Apparently she hardly eats a thing LOL! I think it's really funny. Anyway, we needed a break from full cooked dinners so turned to some salad
Mum came home and I went to hospital. Very pleased with new boobs Kids had a whole different kind of education!
Boo had her modern exam on the Wednesday, followed by terrible lunch in Debenhams but a wonderful visit to Father Christmas.
Friday mum went to London for lunch with Cliff and Eve, we had Shinies annual talent show, which was just lovely with lots of real talent finally coming through! Saturday the kids sang with Shinies at a Christmas show.
Saturday evening we went to Hastings with Shinies friends for a complimentary viewing of the Pantomime.
Mum went home on the Monday and I took Pea to London with some other HE'ers. Tony and the others decided to stay home instead and do other stuff, they took mum to the airport and spent money on more Xbox games (Tony's habit instead of drugs). We went to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, where we refused to spend money and froze our arses off. We then tubed it the O2 which was also cold!
We looked around the Tutankhamun exhibition. I rather enjoyed it though I had something in my eye for three hours, my boobs were hurting and I needed bed. I was probably miserable company! I really enjoyed the train journey home where the kids played spin the bottle and entertained the other passengers with their dares LOL!
Tuesday we stayed at home and did nothing. I needed to stop, I hadn't since the op and was feeling the consequences. The children watched TV, ate junk and played. I did nothing. I went to Tina's at 4pm and had my hair done, needed to also catch up on missing gossip We then went to meet Tony and staff for dinner before The Music School Showcase. This was really cool! Adults and kids playing on stage for their families, really sweet and inspiring. No I did not kill anyone's ears with my awful guitar.
Wednesday and Thursday we shopped and sorted the house out. We viewed a house for the second time and made an offer, they refused and didn't come back to us. We knew we'd offered low but they haven't played the game. I cried. I think they are taking it off the market. I'm viewing it as fate taking us back to Audrey's. Who kows they might call us next week and the rollercoaster may start all over again. The children did some baking and drawing. Summer and Luke came to sleep over.
Friday was Shinies party which was perfect. Loud, wild and happy. Lots of full fat food. I did lots of face painting- no bloody butterflies it's Christmas stuff only! Cue crying no I didn't back down. She got a snowman. I don't they'd let me join Nature/Nurture somehow. We left there and battled Sainsburys, I wish we'd had the light sabers! Absolutely mental! Had a lovely chat with Steve and Anne just moved form Brighton. Spent about half an hour chatting to them, never met them before and doubt I'll ever meet them again but it was lovely, inspiring and heartwarming. I've been feeling a lacking this year and those two filled the hole.
Left there with cries of 'we're late!', the kids just rolled their eyes at me Home to sort the house out, I'd made a goulash that morning which was slow cooking, Tony had done the chilli before he went to work, so I made a veggi curry and a delicious squash and parsnip soup (oh and mulled wine!). The dining table got covered in craft stuff including glitter Guests arrived just after 4 and continued throughout the evening, music was played, the house trashed, lots of singing, chatting and general Christmas with The Screams fun. Last guests left at midnight.
Saturday, so started the annual tidy up! I always really clean as I do this tidy up so I only did downstairs in the five hours I had, the kids started to tidy up the nightmare that was their rooms LOL! I just find this part of the fun and love when I hear other kids say 'why don't we ever have parties like this?'. So long as nothing is willfully broken it can all be sorted out. We popped into town and dropped Pea to work for a few hours. Home and I finished the downstairs, made sausage, yorkshires and sauteed potatoes for the children's dinner. Tony and Pea returned and then the shock of the year- I had an hour to get ready!!! It was bliss, I had a shower and straightened my hair, I did my makeup at home! In my bedroom in front of a huge mirror! I even cleared up my bedroom of the numerous outfits discarded.
Great night Got cross with Tony for not taking any photos of me! Nipped home at midnight to see Buzz who wasn't very well, just excitement so I went back to the party!
Sunday, Tony worked and I finished the house. The kids bathroom was disgusting. Enough said about that I think. Dropped the kids to the shop I went to town for some secret bits.
Christmas Eve, we pottered at home. Kids went to the shop and I went into town bumping into an old friend and chatting for about an hour So nice not to be nagged at to move! Shop closed the girls went to the cinema with friends to see St Trinian's. We sorted the shop out for the sale then Buzz came out with Tony and I for dinner.
Home and alcohol, tiny bit of wrapping, girls home and relaxing began. they went to bed at 10pm.
Christmas Day started at 8.15am. Fun and happy times for all.
Yesterday was spent at home putting things away, then we took the children to Brighton with fellow HE'ers to do some ice skating. Bumped into our partners from the shop Had a really good time which was much need after the news of Tony's Granny. The children went home on the train with friends and we drove to Redhill to see Granny.
Tony had been up the night before when we got the call to say she wouldn't last the night. She was awake this time, I sat and held her hands, stroked her head and talked to her. I looked into her eyes and told her she was loved, I remembered all I could about our times together and what she had told me about her youth. She tried to talk occasionally but the words don't sound right and we can't follow much. 'No' is clear as we're about 3 other words. I fed her half a teaspoon of soup and a teaspoon of ice cream. She hates being there, she hates hospitals. She tried to pull at her tubes and her legs were agitated. She kissed me goodbye and pulled me back for another. I told her it was ok to go, we loved her and we we're grateful for all she had done. I told her if she wanted to go to Alf then she must go. She smiled.
Tony and I left feeling drained and shell shocked. I needed to lift our spirits and to feel life around me. A ward full of people dying is just so sad, my hands smelt of it all even though I washed and washed them. Life should not end that way.
We went for some dinner and talked about us, about our memories and of our plans. Tony has such a small family, he is struggling to deal with this, he can't bear to see his Granny like this. I can do no more but hold him and care for him.
The children slept out.
Today we have stayed at home. I collected the children at 9am. It was tough getting up. I really couldn't do it everyday LOL! They broke out some art kits and found the painting box received last year (still hardly touched). Some beautiful painting occurred. It was so nice to be in the house without TV or gaming going on. It's banned tomorrow. Jack form next door came round about 11.30am, he's still here. I've made pancakes for them all and sorted the house. I scrubbed the sodding deep fat fryer. I HATE that thing. I even cleaned the oven and scrubbed the roasting tin. Kessie got a bath and washing got done. I have Flickr chatted and had a really nice day.
Now I shall make chicken pie. We have two of the children from next door who have decided to watch Robin Hood here. Anna has chicken pox so is sulking at home Tony is on his way home after his first day back at work.
And so that is where December was hiding, right in front of my face, I have been to busy to notice it.
I have been saying day since my last post "I must blog", but nothing has appeared. Maybe I should invest in a telepathic provider?
Anyway December was a good month, it wasn't the month I'd planned but since when did my life go according to plan? Answers on a postcard please! Two main things happened causing plans to be lost in time, my mum deciding to pop down for a bit (2 weeks) and my boobs. Now the later was all my own doing. 6 years in the planning and I decided to do it 15 days before Christmas. I like to work under pressure
My arrived on the 10th and we spent a week driving to various classes, smiling and glowing with pride at the kids in the final lessons of the year. The girls danced their legs off and Buzz swam 200 meters. Did you get that 200 meters! Which was 8 lengths of the pool. Mum went to London for 3 nights to stay with my sister and then brother. Cinema and lunch out with Shinies on the Wednesday.
We chilled and stopped eating. The thing with my mum is she likes her food, really likes her food. Always has done and has always been a size 6-8. Those things most of us use to get us around the shops and for pressing pedals in the car , er what do you call them? Ah legs! Yes legs, she always used them, walked miles and miles. But now she can't walk more than 20 meters without stopping and when she stops her hand creeps to a pocket for another chocolate... Now I couldn't care less that my mum is now fat, so what? She's 63 in poor health so who cares. Well she does. She spent two weeks moaning about it and asking me for exercises she could do. Er, stop eating? Apparently she hardly eats a thing LOL! I think it's really funny. Anyway, we needed a break from full cooked dinners so turned to some salad
Mum came home and I went to hospital. Very pleased with new boobs
Kids had a whole different kind of education!Boo had her modern exam on the Wednesday, followed by terrible lunch in Debenhams but a wonderful visit to Father Christmas.
Friday mum went to London for lunch with Cliff and Eve, we had Shinies annual talent show, which was just lovely with lots of real talent finally coming through! Saturday the kids sang with Shinies at a Christmas show.
Saturday evening we went to Hastings with Shinies friends for a complimentary viewing of the Pantomime.
Mum went home on the Monday and I took Pea to London with some other HE'ers. Tony and the others decided to stay home instead and do other stuff, they took mum to the airport and spent money on more Xbox games (Tony's habit instead of drugs). We went to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, where we refused to spend money and froze our arses off. We then tubed it the O2 which was also cold!
We looked around the Tutankhamun exhibition. I rather enjoyed it though I had something in my eye for three hours, my boobs were hurting and I needed bed. I was probably miserable company! I really enjoyed the train journey home where the kids played spin the bottle and entertained the other passengers with their dares LOL!
Tuesday we stayed at home and did nothing. I needed to stop, I hadn't since the op and was feeling the consequences. The children watched TV, ate junk and played. I did nothing. I went to Tina's at 4pm and had my hair done, needed to also catch up on missing gossip
We then went to meet Tony and staff for dinner before The Music School Showcase. This was really cool! Adults and kids playing on stage for their families, really sweet and inspiring. No I did not kill anyone's ears with my awful guitar.Wednesday and Thursday we shopped and sorted the house out. We viewed a house for the second time and made an offer, they refused and didn't come back to us. We knew we'd offered low but they haven't played the game. I cried. I think they are taking it off the market. I'm viewing it as fate taking us back to Audrey's. Who kows they might call us next week and the rollercoaster may start all over again. The children did some baking and drawing. Summer and Luke came to sleep over.
Friday was Shinies party which was perfect. Loud, wild and happy. Lots of full fat food. I did lots of face painting- no bloody butterflies it's Christmas stuff only! Cue crying no I didn't back down. She got a snowman. I don't they'd let me join Nature/Nurture somehow. We left there and battled Sainsburys, I wish we'd had the light sabers! Absolutely mental! Had a lovely chat with Steve and Anne just moved form Brighton. Spent about half an hour chatting to them, never met them before and doubt I'll ever meet them again but it was lovely, inspiring and heartwarming. I've been feeling a lacking this year and those two filled the hole.
Left there with cries of 'we're late!', the kids just rolled their eyes at me
Home to sort the house out, I'd made a goulash that morning which was slow cooking, Tony had done the chilli before he went to work, so I made a veggi curry and a delicious squash and parsnip soup (oh and mulled wine!). The dining table got covered in craft stuff including glitter Guests arrived just after 4 and continued throughout the evening, music was played, the house trashed, lots of singing, chatting and general Christmas with The Screams fun. Last guests left at midnight.Saturday, so started the annual tidy up! I always really clean as I do this tidy up so I only did downstairs in the five hours I had, the kids started to tidy up the nightmare that was their rooms LOL! I just find this part of the fun and love when I hear other kids say 'why don't we ever have parties like this?'. So long as nothing is willfully broken it can all be sorted out. We popped into town and dropped Pea to work for a few hours. Home and I finished the downstairs, made sausage, yorkshires and sauteed potatoes for the children's dinner. Tony and Pea returned and then the shock of the year- I had an hour to get ready!!! It was bliss, I had a shower and straightened my hair, I did my makeup at home! In my bedroom in front of a huge mirror! I even cleared up my bedroom of the numerous outfits discarded.
Great night
Got cross with Tony for not taking any photos of me! Nipped home at midnight to see Buzz who wasn't very well, just excitement so I went back to the party!Sunday, Tony worked and I finished the house. The kids bathroom was disgusting. Enough said about that I think. Dropped the kids to the shop I went to town for some secret bits.
Christmas Eve, we pottered at home. Kids went to the shop and I went into town bumping into an old friend and chatting for about an hour
So nice not to be nagged at to move! Shop closed the girls went to the cinema with friends to see St Trinian's. We sorted the shop out for the sale then Buzz came out with Tony and I for dinner. Home and alcohol, tiny bit of wrapping, girls home and relaxing began. they went to bed at 10pm.
Christmas Day started at 8.15am. Fun and happy times for all.
Yesterday was spent at home putting things away, then we took the children to Brighton with fellow HE'ers to do some ice skating. Bumped into our partners from the shop
Had a really good time which was much need after the news of Tony's Granny. The children went home on the train with friends and we drove to Redhill to see Granny. Tony had been up the night before when we got the call to say she wouldn't last the night. She was awake this time, I sat and held her hands, stroked her head and talked to her. I looked into her eyes and told her she was loved, I remembered all I could about our times together and what she had told me about her youth. She tried to talk occasionally but the words don't sound right and we can't follow much. 'No' is clear as we're about 3 other words. I fed her half a teaspoon of soup and a teaspoon of ice cream. She hates being there, she hates hospitals. She tried to pull at her tubes and her legs were agitated. She kissed me goodbye and pulled me back for another. I told her it was ok to go, we loved her and we we're grateful for all she had done. I told her if she wanted to go to Alf then she must go. She smiled.
Tony and I left feeling drained and shell shocked. I needed to lift our spirits and to feel life around me. A ward full of people dying is just so sad, my hands smelt of it all even though I washed and washed them. Life should not end that way.
We went for some dinner and talked about us, about our memories and of our plans. Tony has such a small family, he is struggling to deal with this, he can't bear to see his Granny like this. I can do no more but hold him and care for him.
The children slept out.
Today we have stayed at home. I collected the children at 9am. It was tough getting up. I really couldn't do it everyday LOL! They broke out some art kits and found the painting box received last year (still hardly touched). Some beautiful painting occurred. It was so nice to be in the house without TV or gaming going on. It's banned tomorrow. Jack form next door came round about 11.30am, he's still here. I've made pancakes for them all and sorted the house. I scrubbed the sodding deep fat fryer. I HATE that thing. I even cleaned the oven and scrubbed the roasting tin. Kessie got a bath and washing got done. I have Flickr chatted and had a really nice day.
Now I shall make chicken pie. We have two of the children from next door who have decided to watch Robin Hood here. Anna has chicken pox so is sulking at home
Tony is on his way home after his first day back at work.And so that is where December was hiding, right in front of my face, I have been to busy to notice it.
Singing in The Rain
08/12/07 22:49
Today started early, ok it wasn't really but it felt it, I rolled over and wished the day to go away, for Boo to stop making breakfast and for another 5 hours sleep. I must have run out of fairy dust for it didn't happen. Tony got up and showered, Buzz crawled in for huggles and so they day began.
Boo brought me coffee and I paid her in tickles, she ran off and I tried to wake up. She came back armed with the laptop. 'Show me The Northern Lights', why she couldn't show herself, but she likes this morning routine. laying in my big bed with two many pillows looking up strange things on the net. She loves the net.
Tony went to work, he took Boo and her violin with him. Buzz left me to the lure of the remote control and unsupervised Saturday morning TV. I snuggled down, my head starting to hurt and no desire to get up. Pea appeared, well she stomped past my day. She's my daughter alright, a complete night owl and foul in the mornings. "Get your arse in here for some love'. Her tousled blonde hair and quirky smile curled round the door frame, 'but TV'. I threw a pillow at her. She picked it up laughing and threw it back at me, then jumped onto the bed and drowned me in kisses. She left. I slept.
I woke head throbbing, joy a migraine. 'Mummy get up I've got sax'. Damn! I crawled out of bed and hit the shower, too painful. Need to wear a skirt, if I feel like this I need to look good. raw diets working, my green skirt now goes on! I race around with two Screams watching and tutting. Leave me alone Just leaving and the phone goes. I answer it with 'I'm on my way!' , yes it was Tony but he wasn't pushing me, he's sold the speaker in the dining room can I bring it in. Sure. It's heavy, we leave I forget my coat, it's raining, so the shower was worth the effort.
Pea goes into sax and Boo tells me off for not coming earlier to watch the end of her lesson, I didn't know, my telepathic line must be done. She's already sucking her thumb and has the look of home in her eyes. Not yet babe, we have to hit the shops, no I don't want to either but the lure of the lights and the tinsel is just too much! I buy jeans, designer ones, cool. I love when shops close down LOL!
Boo starts singing Rudoplh, well the tiny Boo who lives in my phone does as it informs me Sarah from college is ringing. It's been over a year! waffle and chat as I battle through town, the whole of England has decided Eastbourne is THE place to shop. The Little Screams old bits of me and we barge through the blue rinses and pushchairs to the one shop I want to go to. Is there any air in here? I'm still on the phone, strangers ask my opinion of the nipple tassles and the farting pig, do I think Jane and Ton will like them? Yes, I say. We're in BHS! Boo and Buzz choose presents, I' still on the phone, I pick Christmas cards, all reduced I hang up, the queue reaches Seaford and I don't have enough arms, are baskets a bomb hazzard or something, the shop is full of people balaning, twin sets, nipple tassles and bath mats. I join the cue. The fairies must have remembered me as it vanished before my eyes and we served at once.
Back in the rain. I hate rain. Did I say I hate rain. Remember I have no coat.
Pea's glowing from her lesson, she's glued to You Tube in the office. I need coffee. I bought sweets, The screams love me and allow me to drink AND read the paper. I even had two sentences with Tony. We leave. My head has grown to 10 times it's normal size, that hat Layla is making me will never fit and then what will I do. I make wedges and vacuum the flat. I start to download songs from iTunes but get bored, I buy an album instead, one that some other person decided all sounded good together. I crawl on the sofa with a boiling lavender bag. Just let me sleep. We all watch a Christmas film, it's nice. It finishes and another begins, they leave and I bury deeper into the quilt. I sleep. I jump up, it's dark, oh no, where are the children? It's been hours, no love it's been 5 minutes. I go back to sleep.
Tony comes home and the children squeal in delight. They've dressed as elves, they look cute. We watch Strictly Come Dancing. I'd love to dance, Boo is glued, 'when can I do ballroom'' her mouth says but she doesn't look at anyone. 'As soon as Father Christmas brings us an extra day each week babe', I reply.
We order take out. Curry for us and chinese for Boo. I eat as I haven't today, it's nice. We all wonder at the disaster of X Factor. The Screams go to bed. Time escapes me. Then it's 10pm and we settle down to watch the boxing. All 72 seconds of it! It's done it again though, it's twenty past 11, where is the time, do you have it?
Boo brought me coffee and I paid her in tickles, she ran off and I tried to wake up. She came back armed with the laptop. 'Show me The Northern Lights', why she couldn't show herself, but she likes this morning routine. laying in my big bed with two many pillows looking up strange things on the net. She loves the net.
Tony went to work, he took Boo and her violin with him. Buzz left me to the lure of the remote control and unsupervised Saturday morning TV. I snuggled down, my head starting to hurt and no desire to get up. Pea appeared, well she stomped past my day. She's my daughter alright, a complete night owl and foul in the mornings. "Get your arse in here for some love'. Her tousled blonde hair and quirky smile curled round the door frame, 'but TV'. I threw a pillow at her. She picked it up laughing and threw it back at me, then jumped onto the bed and drowned me in kisses. She left. I slept.
I woke head throbbing, joy a migraine. 'Mummy get up I've got sax'. Damn! I crawled out of bed and hit the shower, too painful. Need to wear a skirt, if I feel like this I need to look good. raw diets working, my green skirt now goes on! I race around with two Screams watching and tutting. Leave me alone
Just leaving and the phone goes. I answer it with 'I'm on my way!' , yes it was Tony but he wasn't pushing me, he's sold the speaker in the dining room can I bring it in. Sure. It's heavy, we leave I forget my coat, it's raining, so the shower was worth the effort.Pea goes into sax and Boo tells me off for not coming earlier to watch the end of her lesson, I didn't know, my telepathic line must be done. She's already sucking her thumb and has the look of home in her eyes. Not yet babe, we have to hit the shops, no I don't want to either but the lure of the lights and the tinsel is just too much! I buy jeans, designer ones, cool. I love when shops close down LOL!
Boo starts singing Rudoplh, well the tiny Boo who lives in my phone does as it informs me Sarah from college is ringing. It's been over a year! waffle and chat as I battle through town, the whole of England has decided Eastbourne is THE place to shop. The Little Screams old bits of me and we barge through the blue rinses and pushchairs to the one shop I want to go to. Is there any air in here? I'm still on the phone, strangers ask my opinion of the nipple tassles and the farting pig, do I think Jane and Ton will like them? Yes, I say. We're in BHS! Boo and Buzz choose presents, I' still on the phone, I pick Christmas cards, all reduced
I hang up, the queue reaches Seaford and I don't have enough arms, are baskets a bomb hazzard or something, the shop is full of people balaning, twin sets, nipple tassles and bath mats. I join the cue. The fairies must have remembered me as it vanished before my eyes and we served at once. Back in the rain. I hate rain. Did I say I hate rain. Remember I have no coat.
Pea's glowing from her lesson, she's glued to You Tube in the office. I need coffee. I bought sweets, The screams love me and allow me to drink AND read the paper. I even had two sentences with Tony. We leave. My head has grown to 10 times it's normal size, that hat Layla is making me will never fit and then what will I do. I make wedges and vacuum the flat. I start to download songs from iTunes but get bored, I buy an album instead, one that some other person decided all sounded good together. I crawl on the sofa with a boiling lavender bag. Just let me sleep. We all watch a Christmas film, it's nice. It finishes and another begins, they leave and I bury deeper into the quilt. I sleep. I jump up, it's dark, oh no, where are the children? It's been hours, no love it's been 5 minutes. I go back to sleep.
Tony comes home and the children squeal in delight. They've dressed as elves, they look cute. We watch Strictly Come Dancing. I'd love to dance, Boo is glued, 'when can I do ballroom'' her mouth says but she doesn't look at anyone. 'As soon as Father Christmas brings us an extra day each week babe', I reply.
We order take out. Curry for us and chinese for Boo. I eat as I haven't today, it's nice. We all wonder at the disaster of X Factor. The Screams go to bed. Time escapes me. Then it's 10pm and we settle down to watch the boxing. All 72 seconds of it! It's done it again though, it's twenty past 11, where is the time, do you have it?
Thoughts
08/12/07 22:24
Why is it that the things I love in life seem to get forgotten? I love to blog and pour my thoughts and feelings down onto the page. but alas again it's been a month! Also why don't I blog in my whole, why do I feel the need to hold back?
Anyway rambles aside, okay who am I kidding they'll be back in just a few seconds. How are we and where are we at? The Screams are doing great. A strange thing has been taking place these past few weeks, something I'd heard tell about before but secretly believed to be folk lore, something made up by home ed parents to calm their own worried brows. Pea has been self educating, I don't just mean asking questions and engaging me in long conversations about things such as why is the sky blue and snot green. She been researching and writing!! She likes our current house so looked it up on the net and discovered it's Edwardian, she know has a book filled with stuff about the Edwardians.
She's also writing a book! This is the girl who until 2 months ago took almost a year to read one book. Now she's writing her own. She's also got her head buried in one book or another most of the time. Where is my daughter and who is this imposter?
Boo is tired. all the time she sucks her thumb and twirls her hair into a unicorn horn. She's so busy, up with the sun doing and sorting, dancing here and dancing there. It's in her blood, which each pump of her heart a step seems to follow. She lives and breathes to dance. If I can't find her I know she'll be in her room, face to the computer watching You Tube and a ballet on there or a tutorial on the perfect pas de bras.
Music fills the house, piano, sax, violin, wonderful unstructured sounds filling the house with a love and a passion borne from their daddy. I look and I listen and I'm proud.
Buzz, my darling Buzz. He sucks his thumb and snuggles my neck, I press my nose into his hair and smell his delicous scent. He's my baby, yet here he is at 6. grown, tall and lean yet so very strong. For pleasure he does push ups and sit ups, 'look at me' he cries from the floor. He follows Boo's dance, he stands behind her and copies her steps. He has the shadow of passion she has, he'll take lessons next year but already society laughs at his wishes. But what about football...what about it, he can do that too if he wants to when he is older, when he has a chance of a match.
The Screams are my day, I pour my heart and soul into their lives, they make me smile with their quick humour and free living. They have no need to please others, they please themselves.
Me. What about me? I don't worry about them in other peoples eyes anymore, to me they are just them, the good days and bad, the smiles and the cries. Each day I feel I am becoming more me, the person I am meant to be. I will always be mummy, I will always be here to wipe a tear, to clap and cheer, to love and support but I will also be me.
As a family we ride a rocky path, we are human and we are real. It's not always perfect, we are all strong and passionate, we share and we clash. I love it, we love it, we love each other.
Anyway rambles aside, okay who am I kidding they'll be back in just a few seconds. How are we and where are we at? The Screams are doing great. A strange thing has been taking place these past few weeks, something I'd heard tell about before but secretly believed to be folk lore, something made up by home ed parents to calm their own worried brows. Pea has been self educating, I don't just mean asking questions and engaging me in long conversations about things such as why is the sky blue and snot green. She been researching and writing!! She likes our current house so looked it up on the net and discovered it's Edwardian, she know has a book filled with stuff about the Edwardians.
She's also writing a book! This is the girl who until 2 months ago took almost a year to read one book. Now she's writing her own. She's also got her head buried in one book or another most of the time. Where is my daughter and who is this imposter?
Boo is tired. all the time she sucks her thumb and twirls her hair into a unicorn horn. She's so busy, up with the sun doing and sorting, dancing here and dancing there. It's in her blood, which each pump of her heart a step seems to follow. She lives and breathes to dance. If I can't find her I know she'll be in her room, face to the computer watching You Tube and a ballet on there or a tutorial on the perfect pas de bras.
Music fills the house, piano, sax, violin, wonderful unstructured sounds filling the house with a love and a passion borne from their daddy. I look and I listen and I'm proud.
Buzz, my darling Buzz. He sucks his thumb and snuggles my neck, I press my nose into his hair and smell his delicous scent. He's my baby, yet here he is at 6. grown, tall and lean yet so very strong. For pleasure he does push ups and sit ups, 'look at me' he cries from the floor. He follows Boo's dance, he stands behind her and copies her steps. He has the shadow of passion she has, he'll take lessons next year but already society laughs at his wishes. But what about football...what about it, he can do that too if he wants to when he is older, when he has a chance of a match.
The Screams are my day, I pour my heart and soul into their lives, they make me smile with their quick humour and free living. They have no need to please others, they please themselves.
Me. What about me? I don't worry about them in other peoples eyes anymore, to me they are just them, the good days and bad, the smiles and the cries. Each day I feel I am becoming more me, the person I am meant to be. I will always be mummy, I will always be here to wipe a tear, to clap and cheer, to love and support but I will also be me.
As a family we ride a rocky path, we are human and we are real. It's not always perfect, we are all strong and passionate, we share and we clash. I love it, we love it, we love each other.
Memories and Thoughts
21/11/07 15:06
Have been going through Facebook trying to recognise names of people I went to school with- I'm that bored!
I then ended up at my school's website (which is crap) and found this passage. We used to say it every morning and it's made me remember many things since forgotten. I had even forgotten saying it!
God has created me to do
Him some definite service
He has committed some
work
to me which he has
not committed to
another.
I am a link in a chain,
a bond of connection
between persons.
He has not created me for naught.
I shall do good.
I shall do his work.
I then ended up at my school's website (which is crap) and found this passage. We used to say it every morning and it's made me remember many things since forgotten. I had even forgotten saying it!
God has created me to do
Him some definite service
He has committed some
work
to me which he has
not committed to
another.
I am a link in a chain,
a bond of connection
between persons.
He has not created me for naught.
I shall do good.
I shall do his work.
Being a Family
11/11/07 21:31
Feel I should blog the week away last week but don't really know what to say! I enjoyed it, there were moments of sheer joy and excitement
and there were also moments that almost had me in tears with frustration. I loved just sitting and watching the children play, they would wander around until someone or something caught there attention and then would join in. I watched my own children laugh and interact with other adults and peers, some of whom they had never met before. I enjoyed the humour lots and being the brunt of a few of the in jokes really tickled me. At school I was often laughed at so I still get a silly buzz to be part of the joke. The location was the best and made me long for a house in the country again LOL!
To wake up and watch the sheep and horses idle their days away would be lovely. I didn't miss home too much, I took my mug, my own food and of course my own pillow. Little things to keep my head in place. The children took a mountain of toys for them to have something to escape to when they needed time out.
I think my photos might have to do the rest.
Friday I helped my brother and SIL move from Romford to Berkhampstead. Hard work as they lived on the 5th floor with no lift. They now have a lovely little cottage. I ended up staying the night after we decided we should introduce ourselves to the pub opposite
I left there early Saturday and headed for home. I met the children at the shop where they were having music lessons. Buzz showed me how he can play Hot Cross Buns! We all dragged Tony out to lunch. Felt like ages since I'd seen or spoken to him.
We then spent two hours buying curtain material. I was going off my head never mind the children! Home and the children played and I cut up all the material.
The evening passed in a happy blur of family life. Pea watched the Remembrance Service with Tony and I which lead to a large number of questions covering WW's, POW's and lots about Japan (including their bizarre choice in TV programmes).
Yesterday morning Boo had a modern lesson at 9am. On a Sunday! FFS! Tony took her on his way to work, I stayed in bed cuddling Buzz. We collected Boo and went to the Memorial Roundabout for the Remembrance Service. The children were respectful and understanding. We stood in the rain with the many others that had turned up and as always I cried silent tears.
We then did some shopping, finding Pea a coat for £10 which made her day! Dropped Pea to the shop to work the afternoon and took the other two home. They mainly played in the garden with the neighbours. I tidied up again and made a start on the mountain of curtains.
Tony and Pea came home and an XBox fest took place. We moved it from Buzz's room as it was never used and they all enjoyed a few hours with Tony playing every game we own! Tony cooked them all dinner of leftovers and I went to the gym for the first time in months. I really noticed a huge drop in my fitness level so need to get my arse in gear (literally).
Today has been education involving pen and paper. They have done maths, Verbal and non verbal reasoning, english, Famous People Project (today was Kylie pmsl!), music and reading.
I've quit guitar until after Christmas. My car is in the garage today which means I'd miss another lesson. So I've rang the teacher to say I'll start again after the holiday's. Make that the end of January then as we are in America for 2 weeks mid Jan. Feel sad yet somehow inspired to practise LOL! My head works in strange ways.
Buzz has drawn loads of pictures and Boo has started on some designs for the Newsletter competition. Buzz is still as crazy about castles as ever and has made one from the Jenga pieces (must get him giant Jenga for Christmas) and is now working his way through a roll of sellotape making a 3D one from paper Oh yeah, think I might call him a reader now!
I'm bored. I was making the curtains and the needle snapped- I know I have more but can't find them. Walked into the village to buy some more but they don't have them. Phoned Tony to cry as it's been a bad day for me and he sent his sister out to get them for me. I'm waiting for him to drive them up on his way out to see a customer and I can get started. Making curtains has been giving me ideas for presents so I think the machine will stay out for a while yet
Mum wants to come for Christmas. I think I can cope with that, and can just about manage to find beds but it also means my brother has to come. I hate people sleeping in the lounge over Christmas (especially here as were already on top of each other) so that's out. Mum probably won't come now and I feel guilty. The joys of family life.
and there were also moments that almost had me in tears with frustration. I loved just sitting and watching the children play, they would wander around until someone or something caught there attention and then would join in. I watched my own children laugh and interact with other adults and peers, some of whom they had never met before. I enjoyed the humour lots and being the brunt of a few of the in jokes really tickled me. At school I was often laughed at so I still get a silly buzz to be part of the joke. The location was the best and made me long for a house in the country again LOL!
To wake up and watch the sheep and horses idle their days away would be lovely. I didn't miss home too much, I took my mug, my own food and of course my own pillow. Little things to keep my head in place. The children took a mountain of toys for them to have something to escape to when they needed time out.
I think my photos might have to do the rest.
Friday I helped my brother and SIL move from Romford to Berkhampstead. Hard work as they lived on the 5th floor with no lift. They now have a lovely little cottage. I ended up staying the night after we decided we should introduce ourselves to the pub opposite
I left there early Saturday and headed for home. I met the children at the shop where they were having music lessons. Buzz showed me how he can play Hot Cross Buns! We all dragged Tony out to lunch. Felt like ages since I'd seen or spoken to him.
We then spent two hours buying curtain material. I was going off my head never mind the children! Home and the children played and I cut up all the material.
The evening passed in a happy blur of family life. Pea watched the Remembrance Service with Tony and I which lead to a large number of questions covering WW's, POW's and lots about Japan (including their bizarre choice in TV programmes).
Yesterday morning Boo had a modern lesson at 9am. On a Sunday! FFS! Tony took her on his way to work, I stayed in bed cuddling Buzz. We collected Boo and went to the Memorial Roundabout for the Remembrance Service. The children were respectful and understanding. We stood in the rain with the many others that had turned up and as always I cried silent tears.
We then did some shopping, finding Pea a coat for £10 which made her day! Dropped Pea to the shop to work the afternoon and took the other two home. They mainly played in the garden with the neighbours. I tidied up again and made a start on the mountain of curtains.
Tony and Pea came home and an XBox fest took place. We moved it from Buzz's room as it was never used and they all enjoyed a few hours with Tony playing every game we own! Tony cooked them all dinner of leftovers and I went to the gym for the first time in months. I really noticed a huge drop in my fitness level so need to get my arse in gear (literally).
Today has been education involving pen and paper. They have done maths, Verbal and non verbal reasoning, english, Famous People Project (today was Kylie pmsl!), music and reading.
I've quit guitar until after Christmas. My car is in the garage today which means I'd miss another lesson. So I've rang the teacher to say I'll start again after the holiday's. Make that the end of January then as we are in America for 2 weeks mid Jan. Feel sad yet somehow inspired to practise LOL! My head works in strange ways.
Buzz has drawn loads of pictures and Boo has started on some designs for the Newsletter competition. Buzz is still as crazy about castles as ever and has made one from the Jenga pieces (must get him giant Jenga for Christmas) and is now working his way through a roll of sellotape making a 3D one from paper
Oh yeah, think I might call him a reader now!I'm bored. I was making the curtains and the needle snapped- I know I have more but can't find them. Walked into the village to buy some more but they don't have them. Phoned Tony to cry as it's been a bad day for me and he sent his sister out to get them for me. I'm waiting for him to drive them up on his way out to see a customer and I can get started. Making curtains has been giving me ideas for presents so I think the machine will stay out for a while yet
Mum wants to come for Christmas. I think I can cope with that, and can just about manage to find beds but it also means my brother has to come. I hate people sleeping in the lounge over Christmas (especially here as were already on top of each other) so that's out. Mum probably won't come now and I feel guilty. The joys of family life.
Holiday
27/10/07 20:32
Had the most wonderful relaxing week away in Spain. Such a joy and pleasure and a time that couldn't come quick enough. We were in poor spirits and Tony was in poor health. A week in the sun doing nothing much was just what we needed. We played, relaxed, laughed, smiled, shared and just stepped out of our lives for 7 fantastic days.
Reality soon returns though Tony went to work straight from the airport and hasn't been home much since! Poor babe, the stress lines are returning. This is confirming in our minds some life changes are needed though. One of which being the possible purchase of an apartment in Spain.
I have continued in the holiday vain since we returned though we did do some work on Thursday, I confess it was to delay the unpacking but never mind! The children did some maths and then wrote about their holiday. Buzz did his own for the first time ever without me helping to spell. I admit it wasn't much just a couple of sentences but he wowed me. Pea's spelling is vastly improving and Boo has cottoned on to punctuation and is using things such as brackets. It was really nice to sit down and do something after too long a break.
Thursday evening they went to karate and I had a sunbed! I am really missing the sun and warmth. I don't cope too well with cold and dark days.
Friday I slept in so we were late for Fishbourne, throw in too much traffic and some crashes and road works and we were ultra late. Had a great day there. Really enjoyed it and plan to return. Kids bought bows and arrows and swords and have been playing Robin Hood since.
Today I did housework and the children played with the neighbours. It was a mild day and it was lovely to have the windows open as I cleaned. Boo thought I'd cleaned the carpets when I'd simply vaccumed Stripped Pea's bed and realised I have no washing powder so left the rest. Tomorrow! Headed into town around mid day to buy present for Ayden. He was 11 yesterday. Bought him ipod 'tokens'. We then headed off to his party.
Really cool idea actually. Kids had a great time on the lake (sea too rough) sailing. They picked it up so quickly and mine are keen to do more so we shall look into that come spring. I enjoyed sitting and chatting to friends.
One friend in struggling with her son and the fact he is unhappy at school. He was HE (also been to school) and then went to secondary school this September. He is finding the work load a nightmare, all day and then two hours homework every day. I'm not anti school at all, but where the fuck are you supposed to have a life? Relax and hang out never mind see your siblings and parents? Parental conflict is making the decision a difficult one. My love and support goes to them all. Making me think again about Boo. I'm a yoyo there already!
Home and the children continued to play, then they had baths followed by showers ( I refuse to wash hair in the bath, plus your not clean in a bath ). I made thai curry for Tony, junk for them (waffles and chicken burgers) and I've yet to eat but have no appetite. They watched Robin Hood and are playing. Tony and I are on our laptops listening to old CD's. All is good.
Tomorrow we may go to Longleat, then again we may go Monday!
Reality soon returns though
Tony went to work straight from the airport and hasn't been home much since! Poor babe, the stress lines are returning. This is confirming in our minds some life changes are needed though. One of which being the possible purchase of an apartment in Spain.I have continued in the holiday vain since we returned though we did do some work on Thursday, I confess it was to delay the unpacking but never mind! The children did some maths and then wrote about their holiday. Buzz did his own for the first time ever without me helping to spell. I admit it wasn't much just a couple of sentences but he wowed me. Pea's spelling is vastly improving and Boo has cottoned on to punctuation and is using things such as brackets. It was really nice to sit down and do something after too long a break.
Thursday evening they went to karate and I had a sunbed! I am really missing the sun and warmth. I don't cope too well with cold and dark days.
Friday I slept in so we were late for Fishbourne, throw in too much traffic and some crashes and road works and we were ultra late. Had a great day there. Really enjoyed it and plan to return. Kids bought bows and arrows and swords and have been playing Robin Hood since.
Today I did housework and the children played with the neighbours. It was a mild day and it was lovely to have the windows open as I cleaned. Boo thought I'd cleaned the carpets when I'd simply vaccumed
Stripped Pea's bed and realised I have no washing powder so left the rest. Tomorrow! Headed into town around mid day to buy present for Ayden. He was 11 yesterday. Bought him ipod 'tokens'. We then headed off to his party.Really cool idea actually. Kids had a great time on the lake (sea too rough) sailing. They picked it up so quickly and mine are keen to do more so we shall look into that come spring. I enjoyed sitting and chatting to friends.
One friend in struggling with her son and the fact he is unhappy at school. He was HE (also been to school) and then went to secondary school this September. He is finding the work load a nightmare, all day and then two hours homework every day. I'm not anti school at all, but where the fuck are you supposed to have a life? Relax and hang out never mind see your siblings and parents? Parental conflict is making the decision a difficult one. My love and support goes to them all. Making me think again about Boo. I'm a yoyo there already!
Home and the children continued to play, then they had baths followed by showers ( I refuse to wash hair in the bath, plus your not clean in a bath
). I made thai curry for Tony, junk for them (waffles and chicken burgers) and I've yet to eat but have no appetite. They watched Robin Hood and are playing. Tony and I are on our laptops listening to old CD's. All is good.Tomorrow we may go to Longleat, then again we may go Monday!
Life
12/10/07 22:07
The education of.
That's what we've been doing recently. Too busy for anything else it seems! Much time spent with friends at the park, beach and generally playing and chatting. Kids are happy and so am I
Enjoyed being in Reading last weekend with friends- kids thought it was great too!
Had a fantastic adult night at The Savoy scooping Retailer of the Year award and getting more than tipsy on Champers.
Lost Kessie today! She was in the garden and when I called her she didn't come in. Cue frantic run up the drive and name calling. Jumped in car with kids and called Tony as I drove around the block. He raced home and joined the search. A neighbour spotted him and told him a school girl had found her and had her in her house down the road. Tony raced off and I followed. I walked into the house to find the schoolgirl wrapped in a towel straight from the shower and looking nothing like I did when I went to school! She'd called the pound.
£25 and a lecture later Kessie returned home. What a horrid experience.
Tony has fallen in love with a house which I'm not head over heels in love with. Getting so bored with it all and I still want the dream house so have told him to just buy it. I know it will be fine and it has a wonderful room that I can have for a little future plan
Nothing confirmed as yet though.
Have put Pea on vitamins and woman essence for her hormones. They were getting beyond a joke and this seems to have calmed her down lots. Her skin is terrible though so have decided today to remove all sorts from her diet for a little while to see what happens.
Shinies is being lovely atm which is such a huge relief after the whole summer dreading the return. The children are really enjoying it and I have organised myself with activities there until Christmas. I figure if I'm busy and have a focus whilst I'm there all will be well. So far it's working and the kids seem to be really enjoying what I'm doing!
That's what we've been doing recently. Too busy for anything else it seems! Much time spent with friends at the park, beach and generally playing and chatting. Kids are happy and so am I
Enjoyed being in Reading last weekend with friends- kids thought it was great too!
Had a fantastic adult night at The Savoy scooping Retailer of the Year award and getting more than tipsy on Champers.
Lost Kessie today! She was in the garden and when I called her she didn't come in. Cue frantic run up the drive and name calling. Jumped in car with kids and called Tony as I drove around the block. He raced home and joined the search. A neighbour spotted him and told him a school girl had found her and had her in her house down the road. Tony raced off and I followed. I walked into the house to find the schoolgirl wrapped in a towel straight from the shower and looking nothing like I did when I went to school! She'd called the pound.
£25 and a lecture later Kessie returned home. What a horrid experience.
Tony has fallen in love with a house which I'm not head over heels in love with. Getting so bored with it all and I still want the dream house so have told him to just buy it. I know it will be fine and it has a wonderful room that I can have for a little future plan
Nothing confirmed as yet though.Have put Pea on vitamins and woman essence for her hormones. They were getting beyond a joke and this seems to have calmed her down lots. Her skin is terrible though so have decided today to remove all sorts from her diet for a little while to see what happens.
Shinies is being lovely atm which is such a huge relief after the whole summer dreading the return. The children are really enjoying it and I have organised myself with activities there until Christmas. I figure if I'm busy and have a focus whilst I'm there all will be well. So far it's working and the kids seem to be really enjoying what I'm doing!
Filling You In
02/10/07 08:53
I'm enjoying our days atm but not inclined to blog them LOL! Typical after I harped on and on about getting a new blog
We are doing small pockets of formal work throughout the week, I'm trying to up the game of the big two without making a huge deal about it. All seems to be going rather well though and they are all loving the French we have been doing. Buzz is doing great at his reading. I'm strict about when I say they are 'readers' I'd say he was about 70% there with Horrid Henry books. Boo still hates maths though i don't know why as she's perfectly capable. I think it's some sort of mental block.
They are really loving their new piano lessons. Uncle Rod (maths and sax already) is doing a fine job and they no longer spend weeks on a piece. One per week and then the structure of music around that. Boo has started violin and her teacher is a dream and teaching exactly as we believe music should be taught. She can't wait to get to her lessons each week.
Last week the girls and I went to London to The Globe theatre to see Loves Labours lost. This was a trip organised through the newsletter I make for families HEing in Sussex. We really enjoyed it and I would highly recommend it. The attention to detail was amazing and the girls sat in awe at the beautiful dresses the ladies wore. They were highly amuse and a bit shocked at the willy flash
We have also been to Amberley Working Museum with Shinies. Took 2.5 hours to get there because of the traffic at Lewes but it was a great day. Terrible workshop, where the woman provided no information and seem eager to leave us! Bizarre. All of us spent the day dressed up from the past and enjoyed traveling on open top buses, old trains and marveling at dial phones. The kids would have spent the whole day playing with the phones that interconnected.
Kessie had her operation- so no babies for her. She hates me now. She is sad all the time, hates when I put her guard on her to stop her licking her wounds and is generally depressed.
Pea is struggling with life big time. She cries so much and has huge blow outs over nothing. Poor baby. She had a treat trip to London yesterday with Tina and Summer. Summer had an audition with Sony for their new game console. They asked Pea if she wanted to have a go but she declined. She cried for about an hour when she got home because she'd wanted to but felt she couldn't as it was Summer's chance! Next time she'll have a go!
Housewise we're no further on and I'm fed up of it all. Our offer was declined and we are currently sitting about 20 grand apart in negotiating. This really is only about £150 per month so nothing major and we could pay what they want but it's the fact that this means we have to find a further huge chunk of money for the deposit etc. Complicated. I'm still trying to get The Music House and have told Tony to contact our solicitor and push harder.
Today we have a play date (hate that expression), then a Hamlet workshop in Hastings, followed by tap and ballet for Boo.
We are doing small pockets of formal work throughout the week, I'm trying to up the game of the big two without making a huge deal about it. All seems to be going rather well though and they are all loving the French we have been doing. Buzz is doing great at his reading. I'm strict about when I say they are 'readers'
I'd say he was about 70% there with Horrid Henry books. Boo still hates maths though i don't know why as she's perfectly capable. I think it's some sort of mental block.They are really loving their new piano lessons. Uncle Rod (maths and sax already) is doing a fine job and they no longer spend weeks on a piece. One per week and then the structure of music around that. Boo has started violin and her teacher is a dream and teaching exactly as we believe music should be taught. She can't wait to get to her lessons each week.
Last week the girls and I went to London to The Globe theatre to see Loves Labours lost. This was a trip organised through the newsletter I make for families HEing in Sussex. We really enjoyed it and I would highly recommend it. The attention to detail was amazing and the girls sat in awe at the beautiful dresses the ladies wore. They were highly amuse and a bit shocked at the willy flash
We have also been to Amberley Working Museum with Shinies. Took 2.5 hours to get there because of the traffic at Lewes but it was a great day. Terrible workshop, where the woman provided no information and seem eager to leave us! Bizarre. All of us spent the day dressed up from the past and enjoyed traveling on open top buses, old trains and marveling at dial phones. The kids would have spent the whole day playing with the phones that interconnected.
Kessie had her operation- so no babies for her. She hates me now. She is sad all the time, hates when I put her guard on her to stop her licking her wounds and is generally depressed.
Pea is struggling with life big time. She cries so much and has huge blow outs over nothing. Poor baby. She had a treat trip to London yesterday with Tina and Summer. Summer had an audition with Sony for their new game console. They asked Pea if she wanted to have a go but she declined. She cried for about an hour when she got home because she'd wanted to but felt she couldn't as it was Summer's chance! Next time she'll have a go!
Housewise we're no further on and I'm fed up of it all. Our offer was declined and we are currently sitting about 20 grand apart in negotiating. This really is only about £150 per month so nothing major and we could pay what they want but it's the fact that this means we have to find a further huge chunk of money for the deposit etc. Complicated. I'm still trying to get The Music House and have told Tony to contact our solicitor and push harder.
Today we have a play date (hate that expression), then a Hamlet workshop in Hastings, followed by tap and ballet for Boo.
All Settled
09/09/07 22:47
So we moved. It was a manic few days with the move happening on the Friday rather than the Tuesday as the removers could no longer do any other day. So Thursday we raced around and finished the packing as well as a karate session in the woods where Tony got lost for 40 minutes with 15 kids...
Friday Tony woke at dawn despite not expecting the removers until after lunch, he dismantled the trampoline and boxed up the garage. They arrived at 3.30pm, knackered. We were their third job of the day and they did not want to be there. Great. I left and went to sort out drinks for the fun day and install the fridge before returning to the rental house. They turned up but couldn't get the van down the drive and we live in the upstairs flat. They were really fucked off. I worked my arse off helping them lug boxes and belongings down the drive and into the house where everything was just dumped anywhere. Jackie turned up with the kids and they joined in. Two more van loads of removal men turned up to help and try and move boxes into the right rooms. I left them at 7pm to collect tables for the fun day and when I returned at 7.30pm they were finishing their beer before crawling home. We then returned home. I went via Sainsbury's for food stuff for cake making, Tony took the children for a chinese. We hadn't moved the kitchen or a couple of mattresses. I made scones, fairy cakes and labeled the jam. Tony came home and fell into bed with the kids. I made a display and some safety disclaimers for the fun day.
Saturday I was up and out for 6.30am, I collected Clinton and headed to the seafront to start setting up. A really beautiful fun day. The next few hours was spent driving around collecting things and setting up, my nerves calmed and by kick off time all was well. It was a great day, I painted faces and beaded hair all day. My legs killed when I fell into bed! It was wonderful to see everything come together. More driving around returning things to their rightful places before ending up in Pevensey with friends at a pub watching a band in the gardens. Pea went home with Tina.
Sunday we moved the kitchen and garage and spent our last night at Stafford House, we also managed to unpack most of the rental house.
I can't remember much after that as I ran out of energy at some point and lived on auto pilot. We had a party in the park on the 2nd which was a welcome break, maize maize on the Thursday which was fab and the adults were last LOL! Last week I had some moles removed from my face which I've had forever, I hated them and love the fact they've gone!
The girls spent 4 days last week doing their bike proficiency test. It was great and they really enjoyed it, passing with flying colours and plans to do the next level.
Shinies returned on Friday and it was good. I don't like some of the new changes, I don't think they work and neither do lots of others but I'm the only one who says this out load so nothing will change there! I did a self portrait art session which I really enjoyed and I plan to do similar each week I attend, I shall also be bringing a simple cookery item the children can do themselves. I have planned until Christmas already! I figure the only way for my children and I to be happy there is to make it how we want it.
Pea slept at Jackie's on Friday night and then birthday shopping on Saturday. Sam stayed here Friday night and came to Davies party with us. Buzz had his first piano lesson on Friday and I had my first guitar lesson on Monday! I'm still nervous and rubbish.
We're very settled here, we love it and have decided this is the area we would like to live should we not get the Dream House (problems there), it's so very sad it's in planning to be knocked down. Tomorrow I'm trying to return to normal life, we return to work time and clubs resume.
Friday Tony woke at dawn despite not expecting the removers until after lunch, he dismantled the trampoline and boxed up the garage. They arrived at 3.30pm, knackered. We were their third job of the day and they did not want to be there. Great. I left and went to sort out drinks for the fun day and install the fridge before returning to the rental house. They turned up but couldn't get the van down the drive and we live in the upstairs flat. They were really fucked off. I worked my arse off helping them lug boxes and belongings down the drive and into the house where everything was just dumped anywhere. Jackie turned up with the kids and they joined in. Two more van loads of removal men turned up to help and try and move boxes into the right rooms. I left them at 7pm to collect tables for the fun day and when I returned at 7.30pm they were finishing their beer before crawling home. We then returned home. I went via Sainsbury's for food stuff for cake making, Tony took the children for a chinese. We hadn't moved the kitchen or a couple of mattresses. I made scones, fairy cakes and labeled the jam. Tony came home and fell into bed with the kids. I made a display and some safety disclaimers for the fun day.
Saturday I was up and out for 6.30am, I collected Clinton and headed to the seafront to start setting up. A really beautiful fun day. The next few hours was spent driving around collecting things and setting up, my nerves calmed and by kick off time all was well. It was a great day, I painted faces and beaded hair all day. My legs killed when I fell into bed! It was wonderful to see everything come together. More driving around returning things to their rightful places before ending up in Pevensey with friends at a pub watching a band in the gardens. Pea went home with Tina.
Sunday we moved the kitchen and garage and spent our last night at Stafford House, we also managed to unpack most of the rental house.
I can't remember much after that as I ran out of energy at some point and lived on auto pilot. We had a party in the park on the 2nd which was a welcome break, maize maize on the Thursday which was fab and the adults were last LOL! Last week I had some moles removed from my face which I've had forever, I hated them and love the fact they've gone!
The girls spent 4 days last week doing their bike proficiency test. It was great and they really enjoyed it, passing with flying colours and plans to do the next level.
Shinies returned on Friday and it was good. I don't like some of the new changes, I don't think they work and neither do lots of others but I'm the only one who says this out load so nothing will change there! I did a self portrait art session which I really enjoyed and I plan to do similar each week I attend, I shall also be bringing a simple cookery item the children can do themselves. I have planned until Christmas already! I figure the only way for my children and I to be happy there is to make it how we want it.
Pea slept at Jackie's on Friday night and then birthday shopping on Saturday. Sam stayed here Friday night and came to Davies party with us. Buzz had his first piano lesson on Friday and I had my first guitar lesson on Monday! I'm still nervous and rubbish.
We're very settled here, we love it and have decided this is the area we would like to live should we not get the Dream House (problems there), it's so very sad it's in planning to be knocked down. Tomorrow I'm trying to return to normal life, we return to work time and clubs resume.
Busy Week
20/08/07 21:32
In between battling solicitors, the people buying (supposedly) our house and trying to get everyone and everything sorted for Shinies Fun Day we have been fairly busy. As if that wasn't enough!
Went to the theatre twice to see the same thing The shop leant some instruments so we got some free tickets and I loved it so much I took the girls and Joel a few days later. Hope to join the girls to the workshop and show next year.
Lots of time on the seafront watching Airbourne. I love this every year!
Time with friends. Dinner and laughs. Summer and Luke sleeping here and tonight Pea sleeping there.
Making jam- about 70 jars!
Karate on the beach and in the sea.
I'm tired, the kids are tired and Tony is tired. We're pulled in too many directions, the kids are having too many late nights. The business is going through a big exceleration which is great but time and energy consuming. The move isn't going at all well, in fact it may well crash around our feet tomorrow as we still haven't exchanged. I'm not even bothered. Shinies as everyone knows is draining me. This past year has taken it's toll. I love it so much but i find the whole politics and the whole apathy of most of the group so frustrating. Roll on September when my head should be clearer in every department!
Booked a week in Spain in October.
Went to the theatre twice to see the same thing
The shop leant some instruments so we got some free tickets and I loved it so much I took the girls and Joel a few days later. Hope to join the girls to the workshop and show next year.Lots of time on the seafront watching Airbourne. I love this every year!
Time with friends. Dinner and laughs. Summer and Luke sleeping here and tonight Pea sleeping there.
Making jam- about 70 jars!
Karate on the beach and in the sea.
I'm tired, the kids are tired and Tony is tired. We're pulled in too many directions, the kids are having too many late nights. The business is going through a big exceleration which is great but time and energy consuming. The move isn't going at all well, in fact it may well crash around our feet tomorrow as we still haven't exchanged. I'm not even bothered. Shinies as everyone knows is draining me. This past year has taken it's toll. I love it so much but i find the whole politics and the whole apathy of most of the group so frustrating. Roll on September when my head should be clearer in every department!
Booked a week in Spain in October.
Packing
13/08/07 08:18
I actually enjoy moving house and the new ideas and way of life this brings- yes even this time I can see the silver lining! We have paid 6 months up front on the rental house and if the dream house is still wrapped up in legal issues by Christmas we are going to look elsewhere.
So the past few weeks I have been slowly packing the house up. i have enjoyed going through drawers, cupboards and boxes. Sorting, throwing and clearing. Freecylce has been really useful! the charity shop well stocked and even the tip has benefitted- I also discovered the tip shop!
When we first went on the market almost a year ago I went through the loft and boxed everything up in there for permanent storage. Finding my wedding and birth boxes were emotional and a few wasted hours crept by as I read notes and ran silk stockings through my fingers.
I kept a diary for Pea from 6 months pregnant until she was 5.5. Boo until she was 3.5 and Buzz for about a month! Bizarre reading parts of them back and who knows if I'll ever give them to them. Made me realise the potential of this that I don't use. Need to get into the practise of remembering the day better.
The house is emptying of contents and filling up with red and white boxes. Yesterday I did Pea's room. her and Boo sat and sorted dolls, Barbies, soft toys and books. They really enjoyed it and got into it. I enjoyed spending time with them. We lay on her bed and looked up at the heart mural trying to count how many and talking about times spent in that room It's a fantastic room. The view from the window goes for miles and it's lovely to just stand looking and dreaming.
We ran out of boxes so today we have to go get some more. then we shall do Boo's room and the kitchen. Then it's done. I think we are exchanging today so shall get the keys to the rental house. I plan to move the kids small boxes of toys (that won't stay packed) plus the garden and garage stuff before we actually move. Hopefully this will make the move easier for us and also the movers! I'm also going to paint our new bedroom and probably the dining room which is dark pink atm and really dreary.
Part of me is looking forward to leaving a minimal life as we shall not be unpacking the majority of our belongings. Will be interesting to see if we actually miss anything!
So the past few weeks I have been slowly packing the house up. i have enjoyed going through drawers, cupboards and boxes. Sorting, throwing and clearing. Freecylce has been really useful! the charity shop well stocked and even the tip has benefitted- I also discovered the tip shop!
When we first went on the market almost a year ago I went through the loft and boxed everything up in there for permanent storage. Finding my wedding and birth boxes were emotional and a few wasted hours crept by as I read notes and ran silk stockings through my fingers
.I kept a diary for Pea from 6 months pregnant until she was 5.5. Boo until she was 3.5 and Buzz for about a month! Bizarre reading parts of them back and who knows if I'll ever give them to them. Made me realise the potential of this that I don't use. Need to get into the practise of remembering the day better.
The house is emptying of contents and filling up with red and white boxes. Yesterday I did Pea's room. her and Boo sat and sorted dolls, Barbies, soft toys and books. They really enjoyed it and got into it. I enjoyed spending time with them. We lay on her bed and looked up at the heart mural trying to count how many and talking about times spent in that room It's a fantastic room. The view from the window goes for miles and it's lovely to just stand looking and dreaming.
We ran out of boxes so today we have to go get some more. then we shall do Boo's room and the kitchen. Then it's done. I think we are exchanging today so shall get the keys to the rental house. I plan to move the kids small boxes of toys (that won't stay packed) plus the garden and garage stuff before we actually move. Hopefully this will make the move easier for us and also the movers! I'm also going to paint our new bedroom and probably the dining room which is dark pink atm and really dreary.
Part of me is looking forward to leaving a minimal life as we shall not be unpacking the majority of our belongings. Will be interesting to see if we actually miss anything!
Perfect Day
11/08/07 19:37
I'm not enjoying my life just now. I'm leaving a home I adore and it's breaking my heart. I can't stop crying! I find myself staring at things around the house and garden and just start blubbing. My heart belongs here. Holding the dream up high in front is the only things that are keeping me from pulling out. Will I ever be able to drive past the house again? I still avoid the road that our first flat was in as it's too sad.
I'm not enjoying HE at all. Ok we've stopped for the summer with just the occasional verbal/non verbal reasoning but for a while now it just isn't lighting my fire. Boo wants to go to school and part of me wants them to go but I feel a failure for wanting it. FFS I've done 6 years why stop now? I'm sure it's just that I'm tired, my health isn't great, they are driving me nuts, Pea hates Shinies (our life line) due to one child really bullying her and no support given at all. I wonder about carrying on if we haven't even got that to lean on, she is refusing to go back which will make things difficult in September. I have some plans for possible group learning in September so hope to be able to carry them out and sort the issues out...couple more weeks to go.
Not being a great mummy. Well this can be sorted by getting to the GP and getting this coil removed. It's making my body think it's in the menopause and I can't do it any more. I'm short tempered and resentful. Enough said- must make sure I go next week and get the nice me and my body back!
Aside from all that floating around my head today has been really rather lovely. The kids had a much needed lay in (well about 8.30am). Buzz sorted his tip of a bedroom out and had a bath. He adores baths but showers most days. He filled the bath with toys and spent a blissful hour playing. I had a shower and lay on my bed listening to Mika. The girls watched crap on TV.By 10.30am all had breakfast and the girls set to work on their tips (bedrooms). Boo took an hour Pea two. We then all retired to the garden, sorted pets and laundry before the kids hit the pool and I found my rightful place on my sun lounger . Kids had a great time popping in and out of the pool and playing Monopoly. I read a whole book and tanned the whole front (nearly ) of my body. Buzz retired to watched Cars, the girls had a bath, Tony came home and I went to Waitrose. Yummy dinner for me and kids and Tony went to the gym with his brother. We are now watching Dance X
I'm not enjoying HE at all. Ok we've stopped for the summer with just the occasional verbal/non verbal reasoning but for a while now it just isn't lighting my fire. Boo wants to go to school and part of me wants them to go but I feel a failure for wanting it. FFS I've done 6 years why stop now? I'm sure it's just that I'm tired, my health isn't great, they are driving me nuts, Pea hates Shinies (our life line) due to one child really bullying her and no support given at all. I wonder about carrying on if we haven't even got that to lean on, she is refusing to go back which will make things difficult in September. I have some plans for possible group learning in September so hope to be able to carry them out and sort the issues out...couple more weeks to go.
Not being a great mummy. Well this can be sorted by getting to the GP and getting this coil removed. It's making my body think it's in the menopause and I can't do it any more. I'm short tempered and resentful. Enough said- must make sure I go next week and get the nice me and my body back!
Aside from all that floating around my head today has been really rather lovely. The kids had a much needed lay in (well about 8.30am). Buzz sorted his tip of a bedroom out and had a bath. He adores baths but showers most days. He filled the bath with toys and spent a blissful hour playing. I had a shower and lay on my bed listening to Mika. The girls watched crap on TV.By 10.30am all had breakfast and the girls set to work on their tips (bedrooms). Boo took an hour Pea two. We then all retired to the garden, sorted pets and laundry before the kids hit the pool and I found my rightful place on my sun lounger
. Kids had a great time popping in and out of the pool and playing Monopoly. I read a whole book and tanned the whole front (nearly ) of my body. Buzz retired to watched Cars, the girls had a bath, Tony came home and I went to Waitrose. Yummy dinner for me and kids and Tony went to the gym with his brother. We are now watching Dance XNew Blog!
03/08/07 09:18
After far too long suffering trouble getting into the old blog I've finally made a new one! Still loads of fiddling to do as I'm walking in the dark but it's nice to have the option of blogging back. Amazed myself really with how much I have missed it and realising that I use it as a point of reference for so much.
