Hit the bottom
A week of wondering and head shaking this week. So much happening and little headspace to filter it through which tends to frustrate me.
I've started running. Haven't done much yet but I've enjoyed it so far. I should be doing it now instead of on here but yesterday I spent the time thinking about blogging and never got here. So I'm trying this first today.
So what's in my head that's getting too full?
House
Can't stop thinking about it and making plans, it's only a week from being ours which is even more frustrating than it being a month away. So near I'm letting myself get excited and plans are coming together in my head fro rooms. Instead of feeling good about this I'm just annoying myself as I really want to get there and do it! Stupid I know.
HE
This isn't causing any kind of frustration, I've just started to get my head back into education mode ready for a couple of weeks time. I'm going to have to be really organised so I can do that in the mornings and have time to do house stuff in the afternoon before clubs start. I'm rather enjoying the thought of all this as it's making me plan better and think wider than before.
Summer is going to be home educated as of September and she'll be with me all day Thursday's. This will be good for some projects that work better in a group so have been thinking about opening up our time to some other kids to create a mini group for learning certain things. I think the girls would enjoy this.
Money
This is going to be really tight. We've been comfortable for a few years now but that's all going to change again. I'm not lolling in self pity here as it's something we've taken on ourselves. I'm just hoping we manage to adjust and that it doesn't last for long really. What's the point of having a big house but no money to enjoy life? I'm also worried that we won't have the money to do the place up never mind buy the shopping with...
Shinies
This is my biggest headache just now. It's had me in tears of frustration and moments of real anger. I've been part of Shinies for 7 years. I am one of the original members and have seen it go through changes good and bad, growing from 3 families to the current amount of about 50. Some things have gone on during this time that I haven't liked, haven't joined in with and at times have had me questioning why I'm there at all.
For the past two years each summer we've held a fun day to raise money. One of the main attractions of Shinies is the never ending pot of money we have. It's very nice. But it doesn't appear by magic. Two members work really hard on getting funding from causes such as the National Lottery. I'm rubbish at askign for money as I don't feel it's my right so don't get involved in this. Stupid on my part I know. To compensate in my mind for this I help get money in other ways. So here comes in the fun days. They are long drawn out in the planning and begging other members to get involved in any way shape or form. Of course there are those members who are always there and always helpful.
Last year pushed me to my limits. I ran around like a crazed woman, driving the van here there and everywhere, collecting this and delivering that. The night before I got home at 10pm and made cakes. I sat in my lounge on the packing boxes before climbing the stairs gone midnight to sleep on the mattress on the floor. At 5am I was up again and out of the house to start the morning off. Setting things up and driving around some more. From start to finish I painted faces, I had one drink, my back ached and I shook with tiredness. I helped clear up and went home. I then helped Tony move house. The removals company had double booked so they didn't turn up until 3.30pm. I met them at the new house at 5pm to help unload. The van wouldn't go down the drive so we had to carry everything. We all worked long and hard.
We returned to Stafford House and fell onto the mattress. We spent the next day moving more stuff and unpacking.
I'm not typing this for a medal or praise I'm typing it to remind myself what I did and what I'd do. I can't list it all. I did it all because it needed to be done. Shinies is an important part of our life. It's our community , our HE world. Through Shinies our needs are met, friends are made, support is offered and fun is had. We have good times, we learn good things, we get opportunities that I couldn't do home alone.
Every Friday we meet in a hall for 3 hours, each family pays £3. This covers the hall, drinks and the ret goes in the never ending pot of money. During the time in the hall, activities are on offer. These activities are provided by individual families, some are large some are small. Some are toys and board games. ALL are appreciated and VERY MUCH needed. Without them there is nothing for the children to do and they get bored. When they get bored they get up to no good and problems arise. Over the past six months, less and less has been brought to the hall. Obviously this has led to problems. At the end of May whenb we stop meeting in the hall, I'd decided not to return to Shinies in September. The girls had had enough, they had been picked on and been called 'pricks' once too often and I couldn't see the point any more.
Over the summer I've thought more about it and talked to the children. We'd come up with a plan. We spent the summer arranging play dates and meet ups. Building up their security again and testing our feet as to what to do. We'd decided to go to Shinies every two weeks ensuring we'd take at least two activities and one of them being for over 9's only. As part of this plan I thought I'd get a task force togetehr of like minded parents and create some sort of rota to guarantee at least 5 activities each week.
I'd promised Tony that I wouldn't do the fun day this year and would put the money we would normally spend in that day in the never ending pot anyway. At a meeting I didn't attend it was decided that instead of a fun day we would do bag packing at a supermarket instead. This was a cool idea, no planning and only 1.5 hours commitment from each family. The first set of dates came out and it's when I'm in Cambridge at the Petites party. I sent my apologies and reasons. They were accepted.
But the offers of help from other families just didn't come in. Three or four families said yes. An email went out asking for more support, pointing out that in fact the never ending pot is actually just about at it's end and there is no funding from elsewhere this year.
Cue outrage and abuse from certain families about how they shouldn't have to do x,y or z. No they shouldn't have to do it but to get the money in to do all the things they want to do then the money has to be raised. it doesn't just fall out of the sky. One woman posted that she joined Shinies for the cheap trips not to have pressure put on her to organise things. But the cheap trips don't happen without the money!! The online forum has got nasty, people have left and it's all turned out horrible. I'm not going to leave but I;m not going to support and fund these kind of people any more. I'm very well aware we all have other commitments, we all have different values and beliefs, we all have different amounts of free time and money. BUT we all have a commitment to our children and to the group. You can't just join and do nothing but expect it all in return. A small offering is appreciated so much more than nothing at all.
I'm fuming about it all. I've kept out of all discussion online as I'm so angry but this here is my space and I can do and say what I like on here.
So all that aside how's life at The Screamteam?
Not bad actually. The children are happier than they've been in a long time, they are spending the summer playing and enjoying their childhood. I never ask them to do work during the summer, I have wonderful memories of long hot summers playing and having fun. They haven't got the heat but they have everything else! My garden is full of home made tents from bamboo canes and material. As I sit here and type I can hear them in the garden. Today they are making a film. They are having a good childhood, they are good people.
I've started running. Haven't done much yet but I've enjoyed it so far. I should be doing it now instead of on here but yesterday I spent the time thinking about blogging and never got here. So I'm trying this first today.
So what's in my head that's getting too full?
House
Can't stop thinking about it and making plans, it's only a week from being ours which is even more frustrating than it being a month away. So near I'm letting myself get excited and plans are coming together in my head fro rooms. Instead of feeling good about this I'm just annoying myself as I really want to get there and do it! Stupid I know.
HE
This isn't causing any kind of frustration, I've just started to get my head back into education mode ready for a couple of weeks time. I'm going to have to be really organised so I can do that in the mornings and have time to do house stuff in the afternoon before clubs start. I'm rather enjoying the thought of all this as it's making me plan better and think wider than before.
Summer is going to be home educated as of September and she'll be with me all day Thursday's. This will be good for some projects that work better in a group so have been thinking about opening up our time to some other kids to create a mini group for learning certain things. I think the girls would enjoy this.
Money
This is going to be really tight. We've been comfortable for a few years now but that's all going to change again. I'm not lolling in self pity here as it's something we've taken on ourselves. I'm just hoping we manage to adjust and that it doesn't last for long really. What's the point of having a big house but no money to enjoy life? I'm also worried that we won't have the money to do the place up never mind buy the shopping with...
Shinies
This is my biggest headache just now. It's had me in tears of frustration and moments of real anger. I've been part of Shinies for 7 years. I am one of the original members and have seen it go through changes good and bad, growing from 3 families to the current amount of about 50. Some things have gone on during this time that I haven't liked, haven't joined in with and at times have had me questioning why I'm there at all.
For the past two years each summer we've held a fun day to raise money. One of the main attractions of Shinies is the never ending pot of money we have. It's very nice. But it doesn't appear by magic. Two members work really hard on getting funding from causes such as the National Lottery. I'm rubbish at askign for money as I don't feel it's my right so don't get involved in this. Stupid on my part I know. To compensate in my mind for this I help get money in other ways. So here comes in the fun days. They are long drawn out in the planning and begging other members to get involved in any way shape or form. Of course there are those members who are always there and always helpful.
Last year pushed me to my limits. I ran around like a crazed woman, driving the van here there and everywhere, collecting this and delivering that. The night before I got home at 10pm and made cakes. I sat in my lounge on the packing boxes before climbing the stairs gone midnight to sleep on the mattress on the floor. At 5am I was up again and out of the house to start the morning off. Setting things up and driving around some more. From start to finish I painted faces, I had one drink, my back ached and I shook with tiredness. I helped clear up and went home. I then helped Tony move house. The removals company had double booked so they didn't turn up until 3.30pm. I met them at the new house at 5pm to help unload. The van wouldn't go down the drive so we had to carry everything. We all worked long and hard.
We returned to Stafford House and fell onto the mattress. We spent the next day moving more stuff and unpacking.
I'm not typing this for a medal or praise I'm typing it to remind myself what I did and what I'd do. I can't list it all. I did it all because it needed to be done. Shinies is an important part of our life. It's our community , our HE world. Through Shinies our needs are met, friends are made, support is offered and fun is had. We have good times, we learn good things, we get opportunities that I couldn't do home alone.
Every Friday we meet in a hall for 3 hours, each family pays £3. This covers the hall, drinks and the ret goes in the never ending pot of money. During the time in the hall, activities are on offer. These activities are provided by individual families, some are large some are small. Some are toys and board games. ALL are appreciated and VERY MUCH needed. Without them there is nothing for the children to do and they get bored. When they get bored they get up to no good and problems arise. Over the past six months, less and less has been brought to the hall. Obviously this has led to problems. At the end of May whenb we stop meeting in the hall, I'd decided not to return to Shinies in September. The girls had had enough, they had been picked on and been called 'pricks' once too often and I couldn't see the point any more.
Over the summer I've thought more about it and talked to the children. We'd come up with a plan. We spent the summer arranging play dates and meet ups. Building up their security again and testing our feet as to what to do. We'd decided to go to Shinies every two weeks ensuring we'd take at least two activities and one of them being for over 9's only. As part of this plan I thought I'd get a task force togetehr of like minded parents and create some sort of rota to guarantee at least 5 activities each week.
I'd promised Tony that I wouldn't do the fun day this year and would put the money we would normally spend in that day in the never ending pot anyway. At a meeting I didn't attend it was decided that instead of a fun day we would do bag packing at a supermarket instead. This was a cool idea, no planning and only 1.5 hours commitment from each family. The first set of dates came out and it's when I'm in Cambridge at the Petites party. I sent my apologies and reasons. They were accepted.
But the offers of help from other families just didn't come in. Three or four families said yes. An email went out asking for more support, pointing out that in fact the never ending pot is actually just about at it's end and there is no funding from elsewhere this year.
Cue outrage and abuse from certain families about how they shouldn't have to do x,y or z. No they shouldn't have to do it but to get the money in to do all the things they want to do then the money has to be raised. it doesn't just fall out of the sky. One woman posted that she joined Shinies for the cheap trips not to have pressure put on her to organise things. But the cheap trips don't happen without the money!! The online forum has got nasty, people have left and it's all turned out horrible. I'm not going to leave but I;m not going to support and fund these kind of people any more. I'm very well aware we all have other commitments, we all have different values and beliefs, we all have different amounts of free time and money. BUT we all have a commitment to our children and to the group. You can't just join and do nothing but expect it all in return. A small offering is appreciated so much more than nothing at all.
I'm fuming about it all. I've kept out of all discussion online as I'm so angry but this here is my space and I can do and say what I like on here.
So all that aside how's life at The Screamteam?
Not bad actually. The children are happier than they've been in a long time, they are spending the summer playing and enjoying their childhood. I never ask them to do work during the summer, I have wonderful memories of long hot summers playing and having fun. They haven't got the heat but they have everything else! My garden is full of home made tents from bamboo canes and material. As I sit here and type I can hear them in the garden. Today they are making a film. They are having a good childhood, they are good people.
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Write Off Week
Had terrible week. I've been so poorly with a terrible cough and general fatigue. I hate it. I never get colds- one a year max, so this has pushed me to the limits.
Today I ventured out for the day to Drusillas with Shinies. They do a great educational trip discount and you only have to give up 15 minutes to sit in a room and be shown 4 cute (or not so cute) animals, have a stroke and your on your merry way. Normally great but today my heart wasn't in it and I was 'Little Miss Grumpy and Hate the World'. I felt bad for those how chose to be in company really
.
The kids seemed to have a great time playing with all their friends and running about like, well, kids
. Came home and tidied up, took Buzz swimming which nearly killed me having to walk 5 minutes down the hill, sit in the heat and make small talk to my normally dear friend Dawn. Luckily she was knackered so we didn't have to put on too much of a show. Forgot the money AGAIN for Buzz's 100 meter badge. I'm not a very good mummy at these things. Walked home and made dinner for the kids which they ate in the garden and I watched TV and sewed. Tony came home and they all went to karate. I watched more TV and walked to get Buzz (the girls now train 7-9.30), detoured to the Co-op for alcohol and came home. Buzz had ice cream and I washed the dishes, he is now off to bed. I'm going to take some pain killers and try to sleep myself.
SUNDAY
I stayed glued to the sofa except for about 20 minutes when I got my birthday surprise- 2 months early as they couldn't keep the secret any longer! They managed two weeks It's going to look amazing when I've finished it The kids played and enjoyed having daddy at home without me around.
MONDAY
Despaired most of the day at the state of the house and lack of storage. Kids did 4 workbooks each without complaint which was nice; maths, english, science and non verbal reasoning. They read to themselves and did a mountain of music practise. It felt good to be back to work. The afternoon is a mystery to me though i think Buzz spent most of with Lego as he loves the new storage that Tony did for him whilst we were at HESFES. Boo had tap then the girls had karate.
TUESDAY
Dropped the children off before 9am to friends for part of the day as Tony and I had appointments. Buzz went to Loretta and the girls went to Alison. She took them off to their Steiner lesson they have with Ayden, Elliott, Jackson and Harrison. They like it but I'm not convinced it's worth the money. Tony and went to the solicitor to sign our Wills. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do and I know in a few years I'll have to change it. I still have letters to write to be stored with it and my head is busy pondering those.
We left the solicitors and went to a funeral of the mother of one of Tony's karate instructors. Very somber affair. Glad we went to support our friend though who was and is heart broken. We collected Buzz but the girls wanted to stay and play at Alison's. Once home I lay on the sofa until the girls returned and it was time for French. Tony went to the gym.
I drove the MG with Boo to her ballet lesson and took note of when her exam is (a week tomorrow). Need practise driving such an old car!
WEDNESDAY
It rained and rained. A friend who used to HE and we haven't seen for a while was due to visit but she didn't because of the weather. A shame, but it turned into a nice morning for us as I hadn't started any work with the children, fearing an interruption so we did crafts The girls painted fairy planter ornaments and Buzz and I built an airplane from a kit he got for his birthday. It was lovely to work together and relax as the rain pelted at the window. We had lunch and snuggled on the sofa to watch Arthur and The invisibles. I hadn't seen it but thought it was good.
A mad dash to the dance shop for new tights before dropping Pea for her two hour stint. A quick call to Tony to drop a memory stick to him and we came home to make dinner. I discovered large amounts of mouse poo in the cupboard under the sink so cleared that out and bleached everywhere. Tony walked in with Pea and went straight back out again for mouse traps. Dinner became a menu of choice. Kids were once again in bed too late. I almost slept for more than a couple of hours but Kessie woke us up scratching as a mouse had been caught- three last night!
Here's hoping for a night of sleep, no new mice and waking up feeling bright and breezy and ready to face the world full of happiness and excitement!
Today I ventured out for the day to Drusillas with Shinies. They do a great educational trip discount and you only have to give up 15 minutes to sit in a room and be shown 4 cute (or not so cute) animals, have a stroke and your on your merry way. Normally great but today my heart wasn't in it and I was 'Little Miss Grumpy and Hate the World'. I felt bad for those how chose to be in company really
. The kids seemed to have a great time playing with all their friends and running about like, well, kids
. Came home and tidied up, took Buzz swimming which nearly killed me having to walk 5 minutes down the hill, sit in the heat and make small talk to my normally dear friend Dawn. Luckily she was knackered so we didn't have to put on too much of a show. Forgot the money AGAIN for Buzz's 100 meter badge. I'm not a very good mummy at these things. Walked home and made dinner for the kids which they ate in the garden and I watched TV and sewed. Tony came home and they all went to karate. I watched more TV and walked to get Buzz (the girls now train 7-9.30), detoured to the Co-op for alcohol and came home. Buzz had ice cream and I washed the dishes, he is now off to bed. I'm going to take some pain killers and try to sleep myself.SUNDAY
I stayed glued to the sofa except for about 20 minutes when I got my birthday surprise- 2 months early as they couldn't keep the secret any longer! They managed two weeks
It's going to look amazing when I've finished it The kids played and enjoyed having daddy at home without me around.MONDAY
Despaired most of the day at the state of the house and lack of storage. Kids did 4 workbooks each without complaint which was nice; maths, english, science and non verbal reasoning. They read to themselves and did a mountain of music practise. It felt good to be back to work. The afternoon is a mystery to me though i think Buzz spent most of with Lego as he loves the new storage that Tony did for him whilst we were at HESFES. Boo had tap then the girls had karate.
TUESDAY
Dropped the children off before 9am to friends for part of the day as Tony and I had appointments. Buzz went to Loretta and the girls went to Alison. She took them off to their Steiner lesson they have with Ayden, Elliott, Jackson and Harrison. They like it but I'm not convinced it's worth the money. Tony and went to the solicitor to sign our Wills. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do and I know in a few years I'll have to change it. I still have letters to write to be stored with it and my head is busy pondering those.
We left the solicitors and went to a funeral of the mother of one of Tony's karate instructors. Very somber affair. Glad we went to support our friend though who was and is heart broken. We collected Buzz but the girls wanted to stay and play at Alison's. Once home I lay on the sofa until the girls returned and it was time for French. Tony went to the gym.
I drove the MG with Boo to her ballet lesson and took note of when her exam is (a week tomorrow). Need practise driving such an old car!
WEDNESDAY
It rained and rained. A friend who used to HE and we haven't seen for a while was due to visit but she didn't because of the weather. A shame, but it turned into a nice morning for us as I hadn't started any work with the children, fearing an interruption so we did crafts
The girls painted fairy planter ornaments and Buzz and I built an airplane from a kit he got for his birthday. It was lovely to work together and relax as the rain pelted at the window. We had lunch and snuggled on the sofa to watch Arthur and The invisibles. I hadn't seen it but thought it was good.A mad dash to the dance shop for new tights before dropping Pea for her two hour stint. A quick call to Tony to drop a memory stick to him and we came home to make dinner. I discovered large amounts of mouse poo in the cupboard under the sink so cleared that out and bleached everywhere. Tony walked in with Pea and went straight back out again for mouse traps. Dinner became a menu of choice. Kids were once again in bed too late. I almost slept for more than a couple of hours but Kessie woke us up scratching as a mouse had been caught- three last night!
Here's hoping for a night of sleep, no new mice and waking up feeling bright and breezy and ready to face the world full of happiness and excitement!
Filling You In
I'm enjoying our days atm but not inclined to blog them LOL! Typical after I harped on and on about getting a new blog
We are doing small pockets of formal work throughout the week, I'm trying to up the game of the big two without making a huge deal about it. All seems to be going rather well though and they are all loving the French we have been doing. Buzz is doing great at his reading. I'm strict about when I say they are 'readers'
I'd say he was about 70% there with Horrid Henry books. Boo still hates maths though i don't know why as she's perfectly capable. I think it's some sort of mental block.
They are really loving their new piano lessons. Uncle Rod (maths and sax already) is doing a fine job and they no longer spend weeks on a piece. One per week and then the structure of music around that. Boo has started violin and her teacher is a dream and teaching exactly as we believe music should be taught. She can't wait to get to her lessons each week.
Last week the girls and I went to London to The Globe theatre to see Loves Labours lost. This was a trip organised through the newsletter I make for families HEing in Sussex. We really enjoyed it and I would highly recommend it. The attention to detail was amazing and the girls sat in awe at the beautiful dresses the ladies wore. They were highly amuse and a bit shocked at the willy flash
We have also been to Amberley Working Museum with Shinies. Took 2.5 hours to get there because of the traffic at Lewes but it was a great day. Terrible workshop, where the woman provided no information and seem eager to leave us! Bizarre. All of us spent the day dressed up from the past and enjoyed traveling on open top buses, old trains and marveling at dial phones. The kids would have spent the whole day playing with the phones that interconnected.
Kessie had her operation- so no babies for her. She hates me now. She is sad all the time, hates when I put her guard on her to stop her licking her wounds and is generally depressed.
Pea is struggling with life big time. She cries so much and has huge blow outs over nothing. Poor baby. She had a treat trip to London yesterday with Tina and Summer. Summer had an audition with Sony for their new game console. They asked Pea if she wanted to have a go but she declined. She cried for about an hour when she got home because she'd wanted to but felt she couldn't as it was Summer's chance! Next time she'll have a go!
Housewise we're no further on and I'm fed up of it all. Our offer was declined and we are currently sitting about 20 grand apart in negotiating. This really is only about £150 per month so nothing major and we could pay what they want but it's the fact that this means we have to find a further huge chunk of money for the deposit etc. Complicated. I'm still trying to get The Music House and have told Tony to contact our solicitor and push harder.
Today we have a play date (hate that expression), then a Hamlet workshop in Hastings, followed by tap and ballet for Boo.
We are doing small pockets of formal work throughout the week, I'm trying to up the game of the big two without making a huge deal about it. All seems to be going rather well though and they are all loving the French we have been doing. Buzz is doing great at his reading. I'm strict about when I say they are 'readers'
I'd say he was about 70% there with Horrid Henry books. Boo still hates maths though i don't know why as she's perfectly capable. I think it's some sort of mental block.They are really loving their new piano lessons. Uncle Rod (maths and sax already) is doing a fine job and they no longer spend weeks on a piece. One per week and then the structure of music around that. Boo has started violin and her teacher is a dream and teaching exactly as we believe music should be taught. She can't wait to get to her lessons each week.
Last week the girls and I went to London to The Globe theatre to see Loves Labours lost. This was a trip organised through the newsletter I make for families HEing in Sussex. We really enjoyed it and I would highly recommend it. The attention to detail was amazing and the girls sat in awe at the beautiful dresses the ladies wore. They were highly amuse and a bit shocked at the willy flash
We have also been to Amberley Working Museum with Shinies. Took 2.5 hours to get there because of the traffic at Lewes but it was a great day. Terrible workshop, where the woman provided no information and seem eager to leave us! Bizarre. All of us spent the day dressed up from the past and enjoyed traveling on open top buses, old trains and marveling at dial phones. The kids would have spent the whole day playing with the phones that interconnected.
Kessie had her operation- so no babies for her. She hates me now. She is sad all the time, hates when I put her guard on her to stop her licking her wounds and is generally depressed.
Pea is struggling with life big time. She cries so much and has huge blow outs over nothing. Poor baby. She had a treat trip to London yesterday with Tina and Summer. Summer had an audition with Sony for their new game console. They asked Pea if she wanted to have a go but she declined. She cried for about an hour when she got home because she'd wanted to but felt she couldn't as it was Summer's chance! Next time she'll have a go!
Housewise we're no further on and I'm fed up of it all. Our offer was declined and we are currently sitting about 20 grand apart in negotiating. This really is only about £150 per month so nothing major and we could pay what they want but it's the fact that this means we have to find a further huge chunk of money for the deposit etc. Complicated. I'm still trying to get The Music House and have told Tony to contact our solicitor and push harder.
Today we have a play date (hate that expression), then a Hamlet workshop in Hastings, followed by tap and ballet for Boo.
